Caught in the open with shells bursting all around.

My kids were really annoying today. I changed all their seats after they left for the day. I changed the whole room around. I don't deal well with attitude and there was loads of it today. I basically tell them to shove the attitude sideways up their keisters.

They are kids and it is important to remember that and put it all in perspective. Plus, as annoying as it was today in the afternoon, it was nothing like it was in my previous schools. I also have a lot more experience than I did when I started.

Tomorrow will be better. I haven't yet wanted to throw my desk or a kid out the window. It's October and things are still going great. In October of my first year I wanted to quit. I would have gladly left everything in the room and just walked off into the sunset. It was horrible. The kids were literally trying to kill me. I contemplated killing myself. I wouldn't have but it was awful. I was so depressed. I have never been that low before and hope never to be there again. There was no way out, no bright spots, no hope, nothing. It was relentless. The misery. I never gave up, though. Why? I have no idea. I got no medals. I should have received the Iron Cross with Oak Leaf Clusters from Dante himself for successfully transiting hell. I didn't start smoking again either. I probably should have since I was literally on the front lines caught in the open with shells bursting all around.

Seriously, those early couple of years really messed me up for a while. I got into teaching to help kids. It sucks when they can't accept your help because they are so screwed up and their life is so screwed up.

I'm glad it's getting better.

Have you been watching Ken Burns's The War? I've watched some each night as I correct papers. It's really moving. I can't get over how harrowing the battle footage is. I wish my grandfather was still alive. I'd like to ask him about his time on the battleship New Mexico. He saw some stuff.