Monday, October 31, 2005

The worst but a silver lining

My kids were the worst this afternoon. Actually, they weren't that good before lunch either. Every day the same kids do the exact same things. They don't change. Every day it's the same tantrums and bellyaching from the same kids. They drive me nuts. I have so little patience for kids like this. Someone should have taught them the right way to behave a long, long time ago.

On a happier note. My certification is going to Level 1. I'm becoming a lot more marketable. No one wants to talk to a rookie schoolteacher about a job. Now I can shoot for better jobs. Perhaps I can get one where I can teach instead of yell all day? A rookie can dream.

Happy Halloween. Don't eat too much candy. I've got to start correcting papers before I fall asleep. A teacher's work is never done.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


I'm so tired tonight. The kids wore me down today. I just woke up after falling asleep after dinner. I've woken up to go back to sleep. I didn't get to call many parents tonight. I'm just whipped. Teaching is exhausting.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

It's depressing.

I'm feeling down and depressed about the way things are going in my classroom. My kids bitch and moan and throw tantrums and talk all day long. They push and shove and slap and throw things and never stop. I'm pulling my hair out. I'm not giving up but there has to be an easier way. I call a dozen houses a night. It does nothing. I give detentions. It does nothing. Kids get suspended. It does nothing. Doing nothing does nothing. Doing something does nothing. It makes no sense. It makes no sense. Down is up. Up is down.

This is my last year in the inner city unless some kind of magic happens. I hope that I can make some. I want to make some magic. I try so hard and it all blows up in my face every goddamn time. I'm so sick of taking s@&t.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Catching Up!

I used my day off to catch up on a hell of a lot of paperwork. It feels good to get the laundry done and get a stack of papers graded. If only it would stop raining. It's depressing. Rain and gloom. Each time it rains we lose 15 minutes of recess and that's depressing too. I want those students in that lunchroom. I don't want to lose 15 minutes of downtime. Yesterday was really f&*@ing hard. The kids were just awful. Disrespectful, angry, screaming, fractious, and cantankerous. I get so tired of their crap. Why in the hell are they so f&*@ing terrible? It's not just the inner city. That's a goddamn cop out. These kids are just the worst and their parents are to blame. Not the system. Not the inner city. It's the parents. They don't instill any values of any kind. They expect nothing from their children. They demand nothing. I'm left holding the bag.

Sorry to be so negative but negative is telling things straight up. I'm not sugarcoating this. I'm pissed! I'm way out of my element here. Rear your goddamn children, you freaks!


Did you happen to check out Bush's utterly fake teleconference today? Rubbish. Complete and total propaganda of the worst and most inept kind. Isn't it time to get rid of this corrupt administration? Impeach these liars. Let's get it on! Clinton got impeached for oral sex. WTF? Bush lied us into an unwinnable war and continues to lie. Bushworld is fantasyland. Impeachment! Say it with me!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Another day off, please?

I've been off for two days because of Rosh Hashanah and Ramadan. Yippie! It's been so nice to be away from the kids. Next week we've got Columbus Day and Yom Kippur. Fantastic!

I really don't want to go back tomorrow. I've had such a nice time off. There isn't any point in going back anyhow. I predict the students will be insane. Another Monday for them and then it will be Friday and Fridays are a waste of time. So, what's the point? Hopefully, it won't be that bad. I need to string together some good days. If I can get on a roll things will be a lot better. At the moment I'm so depressed I can't think straight or work up the enthusiasm necessary to do anything beyond the bare minimum. I don't want to be like this. Unless you've taught there is no way for the uninitiated to know how awful teaching can be when it isn't going right.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Sick of the BS!

Today was a day from Hell. Every Monday is hard because the kids seemingly forget everything over the weekend. This one was doubly hard because we are off tomorrow and Wednesday for religious holidays. What was the point in coming in today? The kids did nothing but screw around. No learning happened in my class today. Lots of temper tantrums, hurt feelings, paper throwing, crying, and some pointless rolling around on the floor. What the @&%*?

I'm in the wrong school. This is my second year in the inner city. I am not suited for this. I do very little substantive teaching. I do lots and lots of nothing. Nothing but managing the behavior of monsters. Well, managing makes me seem like I can actually do something. More like enduring the behavior of monsters who ignore me and every other adult. I'm sick of this. Sick of this. When will the moments of teaching ever happen for me? My life is enduring bull@*&% from monsters and filling out paperwork from indifferent administrators. I'm getting out of here. After this year I'll have two years of teaching under my belt, a masters, and Level 1 certification in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Delaware. That's three states to choose from and there must be a better job in a better elementary school somewhere. I should not have to feel abused, disgusted, and demoralized 90% of the time. Life is too short.

I would like to work somewhere where I felt supported by my administration. A place where my calls for help are answered. Today I must have asked for assistance in my classroom 7 times after lunch. Not once did anyone come to my aid. I'm happy that I wasn't in danger but what if I was? I would have been in big trouble. This is an everyday occurrence in my school. No one is getting any help from school police or the NTAs. This happened last year too. It's dangerous and unacceptable.

I'm getting out after this year. I'm not making a difference. I'm wasting my life.