This is Bull%$&*!

I am really unhappy with my performance today. I feel rotten about what happened in my room today. I said some things that I would like to take back. It is so frustrating to deal with the same awful behaviors day after day after day and to be alone in a self-contained room. I am so tired of being yelled at by kids and being ignored. I am tired of them destroying the room. I am tired of their lousy attitudes. I am tired of their lousy, neglectful parents.

I went home fuming and depressed and dejected. I'm still feeling this way and it's many hours later. I regret getting so angry and letting my mouth get ahead of my brain. I was sarcastic. I was vindictive. I was f*&@ing frustrated. I'm so tired of being a failure as a teacher. Hell, I'm not really a teacher. Teachers teach. I don't teach very much. I can't even get them to stop talking. I am tired of being a failure. I'm tired of being a punching bag. I'm starting to hate children. I used to like them and want to help them. I'm closing down. I'm starting to want to get out. I'm angry. I'm turning hard inside. I'm beginning not to care. I'm becoming someone I don't even know and I don't like it. Why is it so hard? Why are new teachers left to twist in the wind like this? This is my second year of the longest fraternity hazing in history. This is bull@%*%!