The Beauty of the Guided Reading Folder

I wrote a song in honor of my successful week: "The Beauty of the Guided Reading Folder". I'm going to put up an MPEG of it when I can.

The beauty of the guided reading folder. (2x)

Em G D Em

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (2x)

Em G D Em

Turn it up to 11 and make it stupid, dirty, and repetitious.

I'm in a fabulous mood. Of course there's too much work, but that's the teacher's lot, right? I'm taking a break from paperwork to write to you, the lovely readers of my blog. I'm enjoying my new school. I'm getting a modicum of respect. I'll jump through a hoop of fire for a bit of respect from a supervisor. I don't need more money. I just need a kind word or a knowing tip of the hat. Why don't more people understand that? I see it every day with my kids. Give a kid a bit of a break or a job or a kind word and they change a bit. Browbeat them, intimidate them, put your hands on them, or yell at them and you've blown the whole thing. It's very easy as a newbie to yell. New teachers yell much more than veterans. Once you gain that perspective and get ahead of the wave, you get better. The administrators that make intimidation, shame, and physicality their currency are that floating stuff that needs to be flushed down.

Back to the paperwork. Thanks for reading. Enjoy my song and send your royalties right here.

The Irony!

I drove up to North Jersey the other night for a meeting at Seton Hall about charter schools. I was stuck in traffic on South Orange Avenue and this man begins backing through the four lanes of traffic. He's on foot coming from the basketball courts across the way. I'm wondering why this guy is backing up and hoping that I don't run him over and then I look over and see the reason the guy's backing is the man in front of him is brandishing a big knife. He doesn't want to turn his back because he doesn't want that knife in his back. I'm inching toward this. There's nowhere to go. I just start laughing at the irony. What else to do? I've driven from my school's dangerous inner city neighborhood to Newark only to be involved in more inner city mayhem. I've actually driven 95 miles and paid turnpike and parkway tolls to get to this spot. What a life I lead as a teacher. I escaped from the knife wielding maniacs and got to my meeting in time to buy a Seton Hall t-shirt and score a beer and some hot dog bites. Ate some White Castle on the way back.

On the way to work...

I was driving to work this morning and about a block from my school there's a lady walking down the street. She is looking from side to side and dressed in a belly shirt. She looks out of place and looks suspicious. There's been this BMW driving erratically around me on the way in as well. The BMW has been driving slowly, weaving in and out of the lane, speeding up, and driving up to the curb. So I pass this woman and the BMW slows. I look in my rear view mirror and the woman is talking to the BMW. Hmm. A little prostitution? It's not just for breakfast anymore. What a neighborhood. This is about 500 feet from the school. I haven't seen any drug busts lately. In the past I've had to slow to allow the squad of ATF men to run across the street with battering ram. Someone was about to get arrested. Later today, there was a huge altercation across the street from where I park. I was leaving and in the corners of my mind there's this voice saying "get ready to hit the deck if this stuff gets out of hand." What an environment to work in. I only work here. My kids inhabit this environment.

On another front, I am so tired lately. I'm burning the candle at both ends. I can't catch myself up this week. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings to eat our time, too. Enough with the meetings, administration!

???

Another Sunday night turning into Monday morning and not being able to get to sleep....

Why? I'm ready for tomorrow. Just can't seem to shut down....

Reading

Another week in the books. My kids are still pretty good. There's some annoying behavior starting to surface, especially from the girls in the class. Girls love the drama. Everything is turned up to 11. Everything. My theory is they are imitating what they see at home and in their neighborhood environment. Everything there is street Shakespeare-style high drama at high volume - sex, drugs, guns, fire trucks, big chains, loud music, and big rims.

There is much to celebrate, though. Things are still very positive. My kids love to read. They beg for their independent reading time. The essential question is how do we keep that positivity and keep reading when it isn't material that they care about: eg, the curriculum? How do we keep it positive when reading is the essential part of understanding word problems? Word problems bring up another important set of questions that stem from the basic red-pen diagnostic. My kids read but their comprehension skills are absolutely not there. Their vocabulary skills are not there. They are good word callers but they don't understand what they are reading. How do I get their comp skills up and not destroy their natural interest in reading?

On another note, I'm transferring vinyl records to my iTunes as I work on this blog and other things. I'm listening to a record called Smallmouth by an under appreciated Columbus band, Scrawl. I haven't listened to this record in about 15 years. I forgot how good it is. Brings back wonderful cigarette hazy memories of the Khyber Pass. This ought to be available on CD. Are you listening Rough Trade?

A good Monday.

My kids were good today. Mondays are tough because it's hard for the children to transition from their world back to the shared school world. I'm happy that they can be so good. My classes in previous schools were not so great on Monday's or any other days for that matter.

I'm getting nervous about upcoming observations. I have nothing to worry about but it still gets to you. Some stage fright. Dread of administrators, too. I have very little positive experience to draw from where administrators come in.

Time for bed. I'll dream sweet dreams of completed homework and delicious sloppy joes.

Savoring it.

I'm up too late tonight, but my work is done. I've corrected my papers. Things are looking up. I'm on top of my endless wave of student work. I'm soaking this moment in. It could be the last time this year. Eventually, the work buries you.

Lesson Plans in the Can!

I just finished up my lesson plans. It was a beautiful day. I viewed it though the window as I typed on the laptop. I set up a wireless network at my house first. So it is a bittersweet day. I was able to type in my sunny back room instead of in the dungeon-like office. The magic of wireless internet service is the bomb. The data just zooms invisibly through the air. Amazing! God, I sound like a friggin' dummy. I'm sure someone's reading this saying "that rookie schoolteacher's brain must be made of cornmeal mush." Writing lessons for five hours kind of has that effect. I am done on a Saturday and that's a great thing. I can enjoy the rest of my precious weekend. In previous years, I was grumpily writing lessons until the wee hours of Monday morning. I wouldn't teach half of the stuff anyhow because the awful behavior of the kids derailed most of the lessons.

Tomorrow will be fun. I'm going to hunt for used books for the classroom library. My kids read and have requests. I'm looking for basketball stuff, some basic stuff for my low reader, Super Diaper Baby and Captain Underpants, any relationship fiction stuff for girls, and High School Musical. What's more fun than buying books?

It's the weekend.

Hello, everyone. I've had a wonderful week with my kids. I haven't said that in years. I have a great group of kids. I enjoy teaching them. I can't wait to get back and try new things with them. Having students that don't want to kill me is a soothing tonic. No one throws desks at me. No one throws punches at me. I'm not used to this.

Almost nostalgic

I was at work much too long today. We had afterschool meetings. I was going to do lesson planning tonight but instead I drank a beer and watched TV with the wife. A dumb movie and a beer is a great thing after a long day. Yes, I know, I should have planned the whole next week's lessons and then read Proust. Sorry, Margaret Spellings.

I am impressed with my kids. I've never had such a smart class. Not since student teaching in the suburbs. These kids know stuff. We worked on subjects and predicates today. Classes in the past would look at me like I'd sprouted another head when we'd go over this stuff. "Predicate? His sister live up around the way. Predicate use to go up at Stetson. Got his ass thrown out." My kids are different. "Ate is the predicate. Ate the sandwich is the complete predicate." My new school is a whole different ballgame. I'm not used to somewhat respectful kids with prior knowledge. To quote from the book of parentspeak, "I think I done died and gone to heaven." I'm almost bit nostalgic for being told to go f@#% myself before I lock up my car in the parking lot. Almost.

There's not enough time in the world...

I have so many ideas and so many things to do and not enough time. Being a teacher is a major undertaking. The old saw is teachers have it easy. Let me disabuse you of that line of thinking right now. We have so many things to do. I teach all the subjects and that means planning, teaching, and grading all the subjects. That's about a zillion papers over the course of the year. Add in all the other business to keep up on and now you're up to a jillion papers. There's meetings, parent nights, phone calls home, pretzel sales, etc. Each of these requires a file and papers and more meetings. Remember that big warehouse at the end of the first Indiana Jones movie? That's where it all goes at the end of the year.

Seriously, I have about 500 things a day to keep up on and if I get to 100 then it's a pretty good day. If you see a teacher give them a big kiss on the lips and then say "let's get you to Staples, the copies and supplies are on me." You'll be doing a big service.

Over and out. Time to correct more papers.

I'm Back, Baby!

It's official. I have returned to write more missives from the belly of the beast that is public school education. I'm at a different school. No more yucky principal from Hell busting my balls. Thank God I don't have to hear the wind whistling through that moron's bald head anymore. I'm reading a cool kid's book tonight, The Flunking of Joshua T. Bates by Susan Shreve. I love kid's lit.

I'm really tired the past few days. I haven't been sleeping too well for whatever reason and once you get behind that's it.

My class is pretty good. I have a few talkative girls. There's also some self esteem issues specific to the inner city. We are reluctant to start work. We mumble. We pout. We must get in the last word. It's manageable. We need to get pumped up and motivated. We'll do it.

Ah, it's good to be back. Now on to planning my lessons for next week.

So that's it

I was told today that my contract won't be renewed. I was told that I'm not inspiring enough. I was told this by the biggest phoney there is on God's green earth - my friggin' principal!! Talk about something that can't be quantified! How do you figure out if someone is or isn't inspiring?!!

I have a pretty sensitive BS detector. It's been going off since I met my principal and he told me he's an educator. Anyone who refers to himself as an educator is a douchebag. Over the summer, I realized after about 10 minutes with him that (1) he didn't like me and (2) wouldn't have hired me if he'd been hired and in place when I was interviewed months earlier. I'm not surprised to be on the losing end of equation at contract time.

I am surprised that nothing has ever been given to me in writing. There are no observation records of any kind. I've never had to sign anything. I've never been written up for anything. I've never had any discipline proceedings. I've never even been late. Everything is verbal. No paper trail.

Even if I do get a new contract, because that was held out as a very slim possiblity, I wouldn't want to work here. Charter schools suck. WE HAVE NO CURRICULUM! THEY WORK US LIKE SLAVES! WE HAVE NO CHANCE IN HELL OF MAKING AYP! IT'S ALL FOR SHOW! THERE'S NO THERE THERE!

Sorry to yell, but Charter schools suck. Don't be fooled. There must be some good ones, but all the ones that I've worked in are jokes. There isn't any high-quality anything happening. What is happening is a great deal of public money and trust is being flushed down the friggin' toilet. The kids lose, the public loses (especially those conservative creeps that seem to think school choice and vouchers are the Holy Grail), and the teachers really lose. Try working from 7 am to 3:45 without a break of any kind. Work for much, much less than a public teacher with a union makes. Work with a smile. Be inspiring! Inspire this!!

Too much monkey business.

I've run out of steam and goodwill and every other goddamn thing. I'm very very tired. Too much paperwork. Too much professional development. Too many meetings. Meetings, meetings, meetings, and meetings.

I'm burning out because there's too much that we're expected to do and our administrators don't see anything. They just expect more.

Every teacher in my school is under the same pressure and the principal just dumps more on us. More duties. More expectations. More frigging meetings. Do this paperwork. Have it all in triplicate by tomorrow. Oh, and we need to meet after school and during your prep and during your lunch. UNION! We need a UNION! If we had one this might be a bit more bearable. At least our pay would be better.

Wasting time blows

So it's the new year. I'm struggling this week. I have so much to do and no time to do it. The teacher's lot, right? Still, there's only so much work that I can do in a day. I've been up to 2 am for nights on end now doing paperwork, knocking out grades, etc. For all the work, I'm still behind and can't seem to catch myself up. We're all up against it at school and the administration just keeps us in meetings wasting our time. They don't care. They don't value our time. Meetings blow. Time wasting blows.

Bling, smoke, and mirrors

I haven't written regularly in some time. I'm going to be checking in more often. I'm dismayed by the state of education in our nation. The blind are leading the blind. Bling, smoke, and mirrors rule the day. Do you understand the whole thing rides on the cooperation of the children? Merit pay, NCLB, and the Scholastic book order all ride on the cooperation of the children. You play the hand you're dealt. My students are dancing as fast as they can, but when it comes down to it none of them are making it. I have 2 out of 32 that would make it in a school outside of the inner city. I was watching a news story about Houston and their school district. They have merit pay and it is increasing the scores or so they say. Bull! That's what I say. It's all lies. Mark my words!

Chops

My life is improving. My teaching life is not hopeless. I see a future and that was not possible before. I have moments of occasional doubt but that's the same in any profession. What's life without a bit of doubt now and again? My biggest problems are organization, correcting a never ending avalanche of papers, and improving my teaching. Improving my chops. That's what I really need to do.

I have doubts about keeping my job. Am I good enough? How can I get better? How can I help my kids get better? I want them to learn. I want them to get better. How can that happen?

I don't want to let them down. I don't want to let my school down. I want a chance.

Getting better

My new school is challenging me in new ways. I have some behavior problems that are slowly being fixed. Mostly, I need to improve my teaching. I was just staying alive in my last school. Now I need to get my skills up. I'm working and working and working. A teacher's work is never done.

Happy?

I am happy. I don't want to jinx myself so I'll stick with happy. I'm working in a new school and it's not insane. More later. I just wanted to check in. I'll let you know more soon.

Summer savor

Summer is wonderful. I'm just savoring it. Just being in the moment.

Reading, swimming, and drinking (with a little cleaning of the gutters for good measure).

It's already July 12th! Holy crap, Batman! Seriously, the summer is galloping away from me but it's good. So nice to be away from school. No masters degree work either. It's all good. I've been eating a lot of hot dogs, swimming as much as possible with my wife and daughter, and drinking a lot of cold beers. The good life. Time to get back to my book. It's so nice to read for pleasure again.

School's Out!

The kids are gone! The kids are gone! Lordy, Lordy, the kids are gone! Sing it with me!!!!

Thanks for singing with me. Yet another kooky inner-city teaching year is in the books. Just some clean up tomorrow and I am done. Man, there were a lot of hard days. Thanks for reading to whomever is out there reading this blog. I hope that you enjoyed some of this thing. I take great solace and pride in blowing off steam in this way. I'm sure that this has saved me from a couple of nervous breakdowns.

My kids had their party without any disasters. They were magnificent. I enjoyed having a few of them in my class and got to tell them personally about how much they meant to me. That was satisfying. Then they all went their separate ways. I wonder what their summers hold. Some of them have places to go and things to do. Some of them were making up what they were going to do. I stifled a sob when I heard one of my most obnoxious girls making up trips to Great Adventure, Chicago, Wildwood, New York City, and Sesame Place. Her mom's so poor she can't pay attention, let alone pay for a trip to Great Adventure. Susan is a hellion but I felt so sorry for her as she described her fantasy plans.

I just hope my kids are safe over the summer. The bullets are flying in Philly. Things are getting dangerous and kids are getting hurt. I hope none of mine get hurt and hope everyone else is safe too.

Hurray!

One more day to go. Today was a 1/2 day and it was rather enjoyable. I actually got to spend some time talking to my kids. Something I rarely have time to do during the day. Strange to say that isn't it? That's teaching in the inner city for you. You want to build relationships with the kids and it's impossible because there are too many of them and every one of them is SUPER NEEDY. Anyhow, next year I'll be teaching close to 40 of them and I already know 20 of them are identified special ed kids. The remainder will have probably 6-8 more unidentified special ed kids. Forget about having any time to talk or build quality relationships. Ugh!

I'm going to forget about next year and focus on one more day. Hurray!

Babysitting

The kids are getting worse and worse. They hardly listen to me at all now. We still have 4 days left. What to do? I'm just a high-priced baby sitter now.

Carrier Wave Take Me Away!

There's 5 days left!

On the post-teaching summer vacation front, I'm going to get a radio show again on my old college's radio station. I contacted them for the hell of it last night and will be able to do the summer! I'm psyched! I haven't been a dj in 15 years. A short refresher course and I'll be spinning records again on the actual airwaves. What I've wanted to do for sooooooo long! This is going to be an awesome summer vacation. Let's just get there. This is the longest friggin' week in history and it's only Tuesday. Help me, Jesus!

Vermin

There's mouse sh@t all over my goddamn room! It's on practically every surface. Do you know how disgusting that is? My school is filthy. The mice don't even have the decency to stay hidden during the day. They come right out and grab stuff in the middle of class. The cockroaches are all over too. They just do what they want. One was inside of my Macintosh today. You could see its shadow moving around under the opaque surfaces. Another huge one just walked right through the middle of my lesson. I'm teaching about integers and suddenly this museum specimen sized roach is walking through. I stomped him and of course the class went crazy. Vermin.

Today was pretty rough. Just 7 days to go. I was looking forward to some downtime after work, instead I spent the afternoon with the plumber. I read a book as he put in a three handled faucet in my shower. It's always stressful when the plumber is here. The meter is running!

After 2 1/2 hours and almost $400 the problem isn't completely finished. I have to hunt down some stems and escutcheons for this damn American Standard faucet. Ugh! I thought plumbers were supposed to have all this stuff on their trucks to get the job done. Apparently that's not the case anymore.

At least the Cherry Hill Library book sale is this weekend.

Bibliomania

Went to the 2 for 1 Scholastic Book Fair today. I love the book fair. Takes me back to my elementary school days. I love books. I bought a bunch today for me and my daughter. Each week I must buy 10-15 books from everywhere. My house is filling with books. It's a good thing. I have a problem. Bibliomania.

End it! Please!

I really hate my job lately. I want this year to be over. My students don't want to do anything. NOTHING. We still have lots and lots of school left. The textbooks are being collected. Everything is winding down yet I have to maintain the illusion that any of it matters now. The grades are in. There's NOTHING left. Why? End the year early oh great School District of Philadelphia.

We need to get ready for next year anyhow. There will be more than 30 kids in every classroom, less kids, less resources, and less of everything except work, but we teachers have it easy. Remember that.

The Devil Is In My Classroom

Wow were my kids awful today! I had the right idea this morning when I pressed the snooze button 300 times. I hope that a lot of them don't come in tomorrow. The 6/6/06 thing has them all freaked out. "The world is going to end, Mr!" "The devil is going to come!" Couldn't Hollywood make more scary ad campaigns with other dates in them? How about advertising a movie called January 1 - June 20? Really scare the sh@t out of them! A man can dream.

My kids ought to know quite a lot about the devil. Many of them are in league with the devil. It never fails to make me laugh when the worst behaved kids in the class begin to tell everyone else they are going to Hell. "You don't believe in God? You're going to Hell!"

A girl in one of my classes said "God gave me a mouth to use all I want." She was talking nonstop for the entire class. I said "God also says to obey your elders and to love your neighbor as yourself. Two things you are not doing - so quiet down!"

The worst behaved, most foul mouthed students are on intimate terms with God.

Thankful I Don't Teach in NYC

A friend of mine teaches in NYC. He doesn't get out until June 28th! Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ that's too friggin' long! I was just speaking to my wife about why oh why do we have to teach until the 20th. It's pointless now that the grades are done. I would seriously consider taking the gas pipe if I had to continue to the 28th. Thank the Lord for small favors.

June!

June is finally here! There are 12 days left! I can't wait!

Grades

I'm doing my grades tonight. They take forever. The school district computer system isn't the easiest system to navigate. You have to go through window after window after window and you can't see the entire card until you're finished. I have 25 kids. They each have about 15 things to enter on the card not including comments. Each card takes about 10 minutes. That's 250 minutes. That's more than 4 hours. Ugh.

The real problem is the grades are done now and we still have 14 days of instruction left. The kids know that the grades are done and they have no incentive to listen or care or do anything because they know they're untouchable. It will be even worse when we turn in all the textbooks next week. We'll be without any materials and still be required to teach. The kids will go apesh@t then. Why can't the school district input the grades during the week of the 12th? They can take away the books then too. The kids will have more of an incentive to work. At least the illusion of accountability will be there.

I'm just glad the whole damn thing is winding down. I'm tired and want to go on summer vacation. The pool is calling me and I need to soak in it and forget.

WTF?

I just watched a story on the local news about dangers in Philadelphia elementary schools. They showed video footage of children playing in schoolyards. They were beating the sh*t out of each other - pulling hair, pummeling, punching, kicking, wrestling, and stomping. The reporter seemed surprised. The footage could have come from my school. This behavior is playing to my kids. It's all they know. I broke up two kids who were smacking the crap out of each other during recess. "Oh Mr. we just playing." Blood was pouring out of the kid's nose who told me this. The other kid had scratches and the knee torn out of his pants. WTF?

Springtime thoughts turn to gelati.

My kids are getting worse by the day. They sense the end of the school year. They think that nothing can touch them and they're mostly right. I'll never tell them that, however. My administrators have told me in no uncertain terms that I'm to pass my kids. To be honest it hardly matters. If I fail Jerry it will do him no good. All he does is roll on the floor, eat his pencils, and make curses and animal grunts. Keeping him in the same grade will do nothing. He's utterly irredeemable. He's been held back too many times anyhow. He's already ready to drive to elementary school.

My job is ridiculous. Thank God it's Spring. I just went out to get gelati. Mmm. Eighteen days left.

Enjoying the weekend

I'm sitting here on the weekend drinking a cold one and thanking God that there's only about 21 days left. I will make it. It's not going to be easy but nothing ever is at my school. Still, I will get through to the end. Right now I'm working for June. It will be here momentarily.

I hit Tony Luke's today for a roast pork Italian. Mmm that sandwich is fine. If you are ever in South Philly you should do yourself a favor and head to Tony's. Forget Pat's, Geno's, and Jim's. Forget cheesesteaks entirely. That's tourist fare. You need a pork with provalone and broccoli rabe.

Too much

I drove to work this morning and was struck with how Jacob Riis-like the hellhole neighborhood is where I work. Sometimes I drive and don't notice it at all but today I noticed everything and it made it that much more depressing. Half naked children bounding down tenement stairs into the clammy drizzle. No mother bounding out of the tumbledown place after them. Stumblebums, junkies, and pickpockets hugging the bricks, staying out of the rain. Emaciated dogs rooting through garbage in the gutter. Cars held together with chicken wire jostling for position at the stoplights. Angry looking men in pajamas, tattoos, and headwraps yelling at their women in the street. What a place. This is just a typical 8 am trip. All this to see and I have yet to take a swig of coffee or park the car.

Too much to see this morning.

***

On the bright side, the Phils swept the Reds! I hate the Big Red Machine!

Flu runs amok

I've been sick as a dog for the past five days. I hope that I get better soon. I think it's the flu. At least my fever has broken. It sucks when you are sick all weekend. I haven't had any downtime to relax or recharge or catch up on laundry or paperwork. My house is a mess. I have nothing to wear tomorrow and I'm still coughing up phlegm. Ah, the life of a teacher. Yeah, we have it easy.

Here's how easy it was on Friday. I'm sick as a dog in the classroom, the kids are running amok, no one is listening, I'm coughing up a lung. It's horrible. Finally it's time to leave. It's 3:09! They can leave! No one is f@%*ing listening to me! "Will you please just get in line? I just want you to line up so you can go home. Will you please do that?" It's 3:15. They're smacking each other in the head. They're eating their pencils. They're rolling on the linoleum in the pencil shavings near the trash can. No one is lining up. "Will you please for Christsakes act like human beings and show some compassion for someone else for once in your life?" No one listened or changed their behavior. Finally about 3:30 someone noticed that they could have left already. I was just watching them like it was Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. After another 5 minutes we finally got them out the door. What is wrong here? How can one teacher be with these kids for an entire year and they behave the same way throughout? Every day is the first day of the year for these kids. They have no clue.

I'm so happy the year is winding down. I just hope I can get better and finish it out on my two feet. It's a goddamn streetfight every day with these kids.

Happy Teacher Appreciation Day

I have been so tired these last few days. The kids have been horrible and I just can't keep up, especially in the afternoons. I'm physically tired and mentally fried, too. I just want to get through this week and collapse. I do not care anymore. There are about 30 working days left and I can't wait to get through. I've had enough. I need to rest up and prepare for next year.

This year is in the can anyway and all the kids are going to pass. My administrators conveyed that message to us all the other day. The principal told us to think hard about those kids that we want to fail. Is it fair to saddle another teacher with that kid for another year of sixth grade? Pass them. Get them the hell out of here.

What's the point? I have a reason be tired. What's the point?

Green Tea Mango

I'm relaxing Cinco de Mayo style and eating some green tea mango ice cream from Turkey Hill. Mmm. They should sponsor this blog. Their Phillies graham slam is great too. Perhaps they want to split the sponsorship with the Yuengling brewery. Mmm. I'm going to reach for one of their products next. Enjoy the holiday and arrive alive, don't drink and drive.

Merit pay? F That!

My kids were absolutely horrible today. How do you reach kids that just don't care about anything? What do you do? You tell me?

I was reading the Philadelphia Inquirer today and there was an editorial about the 58% graduation rate in the Philadelphia high schools. The editorial mentioned that teachers who get results should get bonuses. I wonder if the writer has ever taught in the school district of Philadelphia or anywhere else? Teachers don't get to choose their classes. Teachers play the hand they're dealt. My kids care about nothing and respect nothing. They would be perfectly happy just hitting each other in the head all day or spitting spitballs and scratching themselves all day. I would end up paying for the privilege of teaching them if my pay was based on their academic progress. Thank God my pay isn't based on them! Thank God I will get another chance with another class next year. Hopefully one that isn't stocked chock full of maniacs.

Early dismissals are the bomb.

Today one of my kids was completely off the wall. This kid hasn't done any real work since we got back from spring break. Today he was crazed. He's up, he's down, he's rolling on the floor, he's on the windowsill, he's spitting water like a porpoise. Anyway, about 2 I answer the class phone. "Donald to the front desk for early dismissal." "Thank you, thank you, thank you" just flew out of my lips. I couldn't help it. A Freudian slip. I felt a little bad about saying it in front of the kids and in front of Donald but I'm human. Thank God he left out the classroom door. I probably would have thrown him out our third floor window if he would have stayed for another hour and a half.

Liberal Media?

Hopefully your world is a sunny and bright as mine has been for the past few days. I went up to NYC for the big antiwar protest on Saturday. What a day! The sun was shining, the temperature was just right, and I had a blast with at least 100,000 of my friends. What a wonderful thing it is to be in the street fighting for what you believe in. Too bad the media didn't cover it. One small picture in the NYTimes on Sunday and no mention at all in the Philly Inquirer. I guess there were more important things to cover? Wait, Rush Limbaugh and his drug bust was much more important. Liberal Media my ass.

I ran 8 miles yesterday. I haven't done that in about 20 years. I'm running the Broad Street Run this Sunday, May 7th. I hope it doesn't rain. The last time I ran the Broad Street Run was in 1984. Reagan was president. Some of my student's parents weren't born yet! Talk about weird. That is weird!

My kids were manageable today. Will wonders never cease? I was hoping many of them would be out for the big protests today. I guess none of them read the papers?

Spell check wants me to replace Limbaugh with Lumbago. Should I do it?

Pulling Back

Today wasn't so bad. I'm learning to pull back instead of yelling and getting visibly upset. Getting angry doesn't do anything anyhow. The kids tune out the yelling. An atomic bomb wouldn't stop some of the annoying behaviors that manifest in my room. These kids have teams of psychiatrists, psychologists, physicians, counselors, and teachers working on their individual cases and to no avail. What the hell am I going to do? It's not hopeless but it's very close. The problem is that these kids take no responsibility for anything they do. NONE. They get this attitude from their parents and friends and the almighty street. Can't forget the street. Nothing will change until some responsibility is taken.

A kid told me to f%&k off today. This kid came into my room for no reason and told me to f%&k off. He's not my student. I barely know this kid. He took no responsibility for his actions. His mom said "Tomas is good boy." That's all we could get out of her. Hmm. This "good boy" is on the wrong path. I hope this "good boy" isn't in jail in a couple of years.

No way to run a railroad

Well, tomorrow is Wednesday. I need to get through this week. I don't feel good now. I'm tired and my tummy hurts. Teaching is exhausting, especially in our school. We've got way too many teachers out. It will only get worse as it gets closer to the end of the year. Consequently with all the teachers out things get chaotic. Kids run the halls. Classes are in uproar. No one listens to adults. Everything gets f&@$ed up.

Cold Gin

I'm drinking a gin and tonic as I write to you. Springtime is here and a gin and tonic seems right. A tonic after my day in front of a blackboard. The kids were ok for the morning and then the wheels came off after lunch. The usual. Good stuff did happen today. My good kids were great. One of my girls has made a wonderful transition from behavior problem and apathetic student to A's and B's. I am making a difference. She was hell on wheels when I got her and now she's a super kid. I never gave up on her and it paid off. I know I'll never reach them all but if I get one or two then it makes up for everything else.

I've got to nail down my crazy kids. They are getting crazier by the day. I've got to get the kids through to June 21. Some conferences and tears are going to have to be shed. A few are not going to pass. I won't allow it. Things are going to get ugly.

Back and not as bad as I thought.

First day back from Spring Break. I was expecting the worst and it wasn't that bad. Perhaps that's the secret to this?

I did miss my class and was very happy to see them today. I guess I'm not a complete failure. I love these kids in all honesty and I love being a teacher. I'm just not very good at it in my current situation.

One of the problems with coming back from vacation or weekends (or any day of the week, actually) is that teachers just don't come to work. Everything gets messed up when this happens. We don't get preps. The day gets much longer and harder. The kids get upset. Hopefully, more teachers will be here tomorrow.

I am a failure

I got through today but it wasn't pretty. I pitched every friggin' inning though. I am so sick of fighting with students. It's April and these children are just as evil and incorrigible as they were back in September. What really bugs me is how much I have not been able to teach them. I have failed my students because many of them are no better academically. Some are worse.

PSSA

I haven't been writing much because I've been discouraged and disgusted by everything. We've been taking our PSSA tests for the past week and the kids don't know what to do with the changes in the schedule. They don't adapt well to change and lash out as a result. There are lots of angry kids in my classroom.

I've been watching them take their tests and their behaviors are very frustrating. I've been drilling them in test taking skills, essay writing, math, and literacy and I'll be damned if they don't go back to their original testing methods when the actual test begins; ie, they answer randomly, give one word essay answers, and finish the test modules in minutes instead of hours. It's so f@$%ing frustrating!!! I'll get the blame when my kids took a dump on the test. They don't care and no one will hold them responsible.

I've got to get out of the inner city. I'm tired of this sh%t! Can anyone tell me the point of this?

Awfulness

It's easy to forget in the midst of everything how awful the lives of my students can be. Many of them lead hellish lives. A mother came to school the other day high on angel dust. She was seeing visions and receiving messages from the televison. She was taken to the hospital and hasn't returned. My student is terrified, shocked, and embarrassed over what happened. Consequently, he's a holy terror in class.

My students suffer from neglect. I feel so bad for them. It makes my heart hurt to know that I cannot do much to help them, that I can't make much of a difference.

Four months left!

I am so friggin' tired tonight. I'm falling asleep as I write this. This is the last day of February and I couldn't be happier. Four months left! I can get through this. I can do this!

Kindergarten Democrat

My daughter told me that she's a Democrat. We had a big discussion in the car about the differences between Republicans and Democrats. "Republicans sound mean, Daddy, I'm going to be a Democrat." Ahh, I can breathe easier now that my 5-year-old is on the same team. She's so smart.

Thanks Mother Nature!

Teaching in the inner city is a constant battle for me. It's more akin to a barroom brawl than a learning experience. That's why this snow day today is so sweet. Thanks Mother Nature for dumping a foot of snow on Philadelphia. THANK YOU!!!!!

Lesson Plans, I Don't Need No Stinkin' Lesson Plans

Just finished my lesson plans and its almost midnight. I HATE writing them. I HATE having them read and critiqued on a weekly basis. All I do is paperwork. Working at an inner-city school is nothing but paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Suck it John Stossel. You don't know jack about what teachers, Union teachers or otherwise, do for their kids. Now to bed. I feel like sh*t, yet I'm craving an Egg McMuffin. Strange.

How I love it!

Another delightful day spent fighting with kids. How I love it! I'm going to drink myself into oblivion while watching the liar's state of the union address. I'll pound one each time he mentions no child left behind.

Schoolteacherstyle!

I try to unwind with music after my stressful days of teaching. Some good stuff on my playlist right now is The Gossip - Standing in the Way of Control, Dinosaur Jr. - You're Living All Over Me, Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers - LAMF, and Sleater-Kinney - Call the Doctor. I found the Dinosaur Jr. in the used bin at my local record shop. What a find! Why the hell didn't I buy this great record when it came out in 1987? I should have been playing the hell out of it in my car and on my radio show. I was pretty broke as a college sophomore, then, that might explain it. I'm making up for lost time now. Do yourself a favor and buy all the aforementioned records and turn it up to 11 rookie schoolteacherstyle!

At Least I'm Not Lazy

Why in the hell did I want to teach in the inner city? Oh, yeah, to make a difference. Difference? What difference am I making? My kids throw sh*t at me, yell curses, flip over desks, throw books, beat the sh*t out of each other for nothing, and refuse to do any work. I'm sick of it. Why did I choose to do this job? I went into debt to go back to school to get a new degree in education just to teach at this nuthouse where I work. I need to go to the nuthouse. I really have a few screws loose.

I'm most likely getting a bad review for my efforts. My principal thinks that my classroom management skills are lacking. Well, I view it this way. At least I'm not a lazy city employee hiding behind my desk. I'm in there working my ass off the entire time. Everything I touch might burst into flames but I'm not giving up or giving in. I give 200% every day. That bad review is proof that I'm in there every day trying to do my job.

At the moment it's hours since I left for the day and I could still pick my desk up and throw it out the window. I'm that angry. My students are horrible. Whatever I try to get things to work better just blows up in my face. I'm sick of my students cursing me out, etc.

I'm so sick of working in a place where no one is wanted, no one wants to be, and no one cares. The kids are miserable, the staff is miserable, and even the building is miserable. What is the point? I hate it. I hate this. I hate what I have become. I must have racked up one hell of a lot of bad karma to end up like this. I'm trapped inside of a nightmare. I'm trapped so deep that I'll never get out.

Stupid Show in America

I was watching Stupid in America on 20/20 last night. I only caught the last 20 minutes but it was more than enough. John Stossel blames the teacher and the public school for all the problems. His thoughts are to privatize the schools, give vouchers, and eliminate the unions. This holy trinity will change everything resulting in fantastic grades for all. Is he serious? He's not the only one with these ideas, of course, but has he met the students I teach? Sheesh. He wouldn't last five minutes in my classroom. Comparing charter schools with public schools isn't fair. Charter schools can cherry pick the students. Public schools can't. Charter schools aren't performing any better than public schools anyway. Strangely he didn't mention any of that. I need to write a letter to ABC.

Spelling

I was cleaning out papers and sorting things today and came across some student notes. "Suk my dick!" "Kak me hard!" "Your mam f*cks you brother. Write back if you can." I feel sorry for my students. They can't even spell the insults.

Back in the Saddle

I've been back at work and too busy to write. I'm taking a break from my lesson planning to post this for my lovely readers. Hope your holidays were wonderful. I can't wait to pay my respects to MLK on Monday. A great man and also a chance to catch up on my paperwork. I used to do service on MLK day but teaching is so hectic that I can't spare the time.

Writing lesson plans sucks, especially at my school, because the administration reads and critiques them each week. I just get them done and it's time to write more, or so it seems. Our school is always under the gun. We teachers are observed all the time. Our plans, rooms, and work lives are picked apart for all to see. Worst of all the literature says that this micromanagement doesn't do any good anyway and will in most cases have a detrimental effect.

*****

In other news, I jumped into the ocean on New Year's Day. It was cold and delightfully refreshing. A new tradition has been created. I went to Trenton on the 31st to watch the reenactments of the Battles of Trenton. Awesome. The Colonials, let by George Washington, fire a cannon at the Hessians and chase them through the streets. Car alarms go off everywhere with each cannon blast. I've been meaning to check this out for years and I'm so happy I finally got to see it. I'll be back again.

Getting Sick

Today was somewhat better. It's never easy and I'm coming down with a cold. Having a cold sapping your strength isn't much fun when you are in the classroom teaching all day. There's not much time to regroup and catch your breath. We don't have a coffee machine either. Hot beverages help you feel better when you're sick and we don't have access to any. No coffee shop or quickie mart in our neighborhood either. I work in a bad end of town. My voice is going, my throat is sore, and my nose is running. I hope that I can shake this for the weekend. I'd like to be healthy and happy on Christmas morning.

A Question

My wife just gave me a big hug. I needed one and she magically appeared. My teaching life has been in the toilet lately, each day worse than before, and I have lost perspective. I do have a wife and family that loves me. I have friends. I have a life. I need to let it go.

On the way home from school today I turned off the radio and reflected in silence about all the stuff that happened today. I spoke to God for a moment. I'm not much for praying or religion but the question needed to be asked: Is there a reason why this is happening to me? I've been in a nightmare teaching situation for two years. I've been on the wrong end of the stick for the entire time. Why? What is accomplished by all this misery?

Why Didn't I?

Why didn't I go to law school or something? At least I would know how to do something and perhaps have something to show for it. I'm tens of thousands in debt for my postgraduate work and for what? So every day I can go home feeling like death warmed over? So every day I can fight with the same dummies? I'm sick of this. I've got to get out of the friggin' inner city. My teaching is not teaching. My school is not a school. I cry in my car on the way home from work almost every day lately. This is not the way it should be.

Every five minutes the phone rings in my classroom with stupid questions from the main office. Every six minutes one of my wonderful students erupts in rage and begins pummeling another student. The kids run wild in the hallways. The fire alarms are constantly shrieking. There's someone constantly yelling or howling out in the halls. The bulletin boards in the halls are being destroyed on a daily basis. The kids never shut up. They're always talking. Always disrespecting you. I'm sick to death of it. I work in hell. The demons run the classrooms, the hallways, the bathrooms, and the stairwells. They torment us.

Christmas vacation cannot get here soon enough. One question for the boneheads who run our crummy school district: Why couldn't you make this week the report card conference week? We could have half days for the end of this week when we need them. You know that no one is going to want to work a full day on December 23. What would a half day matter anyway? None of this matters. None of this s%&t matters. No one is learning a damn thing in my school. Our school is just a K-8 babysitter.

Disappointing

I'm not getting many parents to show up for their report card conferences. It's not a surprise. Most don't answer the phone or do anything when I phone home. It's not like it's important or anything. I'm only their child's teacher with information about their child. Nothing important and sorry to waste their time.

My experiences of waiting around in a freezing cold classroom for parents are a sad commentary of the state of education in my school and likely in the neighborhood. Education is not valued and the kids know it; hence, they treat us like dirt. A shame since education is the only way to have a chance at a good job. These kids and their parents can't see that.

How?

I'm in the middle of another horrible week. My kids don't stop talking or yelling or running around or anything else. It's like I don't exist. Will someone tell me what the point of this is? No Child Left Behind says we have to educate every kid. Please oh smart ones in the Bush Administration tell me how I educate monsters that would like to kill me? Monsters that think books are for throwing, paper is for eating, and pencils are for snapping. Tell me swami how I educate kids that would rather smear ink all over their faces than try and use a pen for its true purpose. How the f*ck do I teach these goddamn kids?

Why must my weekend end?

My wonderful weekend is drawing to a close and I have not accomplished half of what I wanted to do. I did go sledding and got the house cleaned up a bit. My laundry is washing. I'm not looking forward to being at school tomorrow. It is a shortened week, though, because we've got report card conferences on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Those are all half days, thank God.

I've been thinking about my class a lot over the weekend. They've been out of hand over the past week. One of our administrators likes to tell me that everything is my fault. My kids are horrible because I am a rotten teacher, etc. I am the quintessential rookie schoolteacher but that's only a small part of what goes on in our school and my classroom. It isn't all my fault in there. My students need to accept some blame too. They act like animals and have for the entire time they've been my students. They have acted like this since they came to school as kindergarteners. The class has never been broken up (a problem at our school) and they've always acted like wild animals, yet some want to bust my chops because my class is rambunctious. Bullsh%t!

I don't want my weekend to end. Why must it end?

Important Things

I refilled my fountain pen the other day and have been filling my journal with bright blue ink. Why did I wait so long to refill it? My Pelikan glides so easily over the creamy white pages of my journal. Last night the wife and I ate Ethiopian with friends we haven't seen in more than a year. The food was excellent and we all delighted in each other. Why did I deny myself the pleasure of their company and the deliciousness of Ethiopian cuisine? Life is too short to deny oneself a good woman, a good pen, a good meal, a good book, a manual transmission, the laughter of a child, or a stiff drink. In the course of my often horrendous inner-city school teaching life I lose track of the important things.

Snow Day!

I got that snow day I've been wanting and it is F-ing sweet. I haven't seen a kid all day except my own. I need some time to regroup and recharge and catch up on my laundry. It's really nice to be home instead of being yelled at by kids that should be chained up and breaking rocks for use in our nation's cement industry. It's almost cocktail hour.

Here's to everyone who got a snow day today. I hoist my glass in honor of you!

Demons straight from Hell.

I'm depressed and tired and dejected. I'll be back tomorrow for more but there has to be a better way. I try so hard and it all blows up in my face. The same kids treat me like sh%t every day and do exactly the same irritating behaviors. What do you do with kids that crawl on the floor and won't get up or stop; shriek like banshees; eat and spit paper; cry at the drop of a hat; shout obscenities; throw books, crayons, pencils, pens, and everything else; steal everything that isn't nailed down; and fight without warning? Someone please tell me because this is F-ing crazy. My students are demons straight from Hell. HELP! I've had enough for a week. Can't we have a snow day tomorrow? Please? I hope it snows five feet. I want to hear those magic words on KYW: "All Philadelphia public and parochial schools are closed." Do demons worry about snow? Does it effect them?

*********

On another subject, not one of my students knew about Pearl Harbor.

"I'll give you a hint, 12/7/41 had to do with World War 2."

"Uh, I know it, I know. World War 1!"

Sorry, thanks for playing our game.

What to do?

I think about my kids all the time. They treat me like sh%t and do no work. They think that they own the world and need to listen to nothing. It's a shame that they are so stupid. They don't have any idea what time it is. They don't realize that racist America wants them to do exactly what they are doing. They want them to screw up their lives and stay in the ghetto. They want these kids to stay exactly where they are. Out of sight and out of mind and ready for prison when they get out of hand. The most radical thing they could do is to get an education and really stick it to the man. Instead they act like knuckleheads and go nowhere. How can I motivate them to want more? To try to be more? Why don't they listen to a word I say? Is it as simple as "you're white" as one teacher told me the other day? If so then I really am sunk. I have no idea how to deal with their racism.

Terrible days.

The last few days have been terrible; actually they've all been terrible since returning from Thanksgiving. I'm feeling hopeless. The kids don't want to do anything. Their attitudes are piss poor. Their benchmark tests are a blight upon the city of Philadelphia. I'm not sure what to try next. What do you try when nothing works? How do you try new things with kids that don't want to try anything? How do you motivate them? How do you do this?

My mantra is I will try to help one person every day. That's all I can do. I'm in a huge school filled with an insurmountable amount of problems and an administration that beats up the teachers. I'm trying my best and that's all I can do. Oh, and where was our snow day today? I sure as Hell could have used it. Perhaps Friday will amount to some real snow.

Back from Thanksgiving!

I got back from a wonderful Thanksgiving vacation. It was so wonderful to have some extra time with my family. Truly refreshing. I had no interest in coming to work this morning. Forgot my coffee. Everything was off. The kids were horrible. Mondays are always rough but Mondays after a break are the worst. It was like I wasn't there. Horrible.

On a brighter note, I wrote a novel in one month! I had to burn the candle at both ends to do it and annoyed my family to no end but I did it! Nanowrimo is awesome! I recommend it to everyone. I just downloaded and printed my certificate. Sweet! I'm drinking an Iron City Beer to celebrate. Good night faithful readers.

A Little Better

A little bit better today. It seems this year I get one good day a week. Last year I got none. Perhaps next year I'll get two? A man can dream. Just wanted to write something positive for a change. I realize that this year's posts have been rather negative and I'm not a negative guy, far from it, actually. I just wish I could shake my cold. It's just refusing to go away. If it would go then things would be great.

I'm psyched that cold weather might be here. It was about 100 degrees in my room this afternoon. I was soaked in sweat. Disgusting. It shouldn't be 70 degrees in November in Philadelphia. This time of year should be crisp and cold. I walked outside this morning and it felt so wrong to have an extra warm breeze in my face. Supposedly it will be 40 tomorrow. Let's get it on! I want to freeze my ass off and wear jackets and perhaps see the snow fly. Thanksgiving is 8 days away. It needs to be cold.

I need to immerse myself in paperwork before I fall asleep. I'm already drowsy.

*****

On an unrelated topic, can Cheney's poll numbers dip below 20? I'm betting they can and hoping Bush's keep dipping too.

I'm Sisyphus Pushing My Textbook...

I'm still trying to get myself back on track after being sick for a few days. I got nothing done this past weekend. Instead, I was curled in a ball holding my aching stomach or retching. My paperwork languished as did my homework for my grad class. I just got all the homework finished at 1:30 am this morning. Now I'm digging into all the paperwork that I haven't done. I hope to be in bed early, however. I can't be up all night and yelling all day (if it's a typical one). I'll kill myself.

I've already dropped my exercise routine for the past month. Not by choice, I'm just too busy and exhausted. I'm really wondering what the point is in all this bulls&*t that I endure. Is it worth my wife and family? I hardly see them because of all the crap I do at night. Is it worth giving up a serious chunk of every weekend? Is it worth all the negative vibes that I get? Is it worth the way it makes me feel most of the time. My feelings of dread and utter hopelessness are beginning to pervade the rest of my life. I am with these f@#&ing kids and my f@#&ing school more than I am anywhere else. Why should it be this way? I try every day to make it better and to teach them better ways to be and behave and it gets me nowhere. I'm Sisyphus pushing a giant textbook up the hill and it never stops rolling back.

Mr., I told you to shut the F up!

I wrote a lot of detentions today. This exchange tells you what kind of day I had. "Jody, this detention is for you telling me to f@*% off this morning." "Mr. I didn't tell you that, I told you to shut the f@*% up."

I'm so tired of being yelled at by kids. I don't take any of it but it doesn't stop them and I don't really know what to do anymore. There needs to be some kind of buy in and cooperation from these kids and that's not happening. Also there needs to be some kind of improvement in behavior when you correct them and when you take the next steps of calling home and giving detentions and suspensions. They don't behave any better now and I've been working with them for three months. It's so frustrating and exhausting. My eyes are closing as I write this and I still have miles to go before I sleep.

Oh, to sleep. Beautiful sleep. I really want to just drink myself into oblivion and sleep and sleep. These friggin' kids are driving me crazy.

Man oh man.

Today was a little better than yesterday. My school is out of control, though. The kids are running it and they are running amok. It's annoying and dangerous. My room was halfway decent until the end. It's always something though. My gripe today is the classroom phone. It just never stops ringing. How are we able to teach when the phone rings all the damn time? I just start talking and the kids are quiet and the phone rings. Then it rings again and again and again. At least fifteen times after lunch. Every time it was about something stupid and unnecessary. Why?

No Child Left Behind meet the classroom phone. You aren't able to teach when that phone rings every five minutes. Not going to happen.

This is Bull%$&*!

I am really unhappy with my performance today. I feel rotten about what happened in my room today. I said some things that I would like to take back. It is so frustrating to deal with the same awful behaviors day after day after day and to be alone in a self-contained room. I am so tired of being yelled at by kids and being ignored. I am tired of them destroying the room. I am tired of their lousy attitudes. I am tired of their lousy, neglectful parents.

I went home fuming and depressed and dejected. I'm still feeling this way and it's many hours later. I regret getting so angry and letting my mouth get ahead of my brain. I was sarcastic. I was vindictive. I was f*&@ing frustrated. I'm so tired of being a failure as a teacher. Hell, I'm not really a teacher. Teachers teach. I don't teach very much. I can't even get them to stop talking. I am tired of being a failure. I'm tired of being a punching bag. I'm starting to hate children. I used to like them and want to help them. I'm closing down. I'm starting to want to get out. I'm angry. I'm turning hard inside. I'm beginning not to care. I'm becoming someone I don't even know and I don't like it. Why is it so hard? Why are new teachers left to twist in the wind like this? This is my second year of the longest fraternity hazing in history. This is bull@%*%!

The worst but a silver lining

My kids were the worst this afternoon. Actually, they weren't that good before lunch either. Every day the same kids do the exact same things. They don't change. Every day it's the same tantrums and bellyaching from the same kids. They drive me nuts. I have so little patience for kids like this. Someone should have taught them the right way to behave a long, long time ago.

On a happier note. My certification is going to Level 1. I'm becoming a lot more marketable. No one wants to talk to a rookie schoolteacher about a job. Now I can shoot for better jobs. Perhaps I can get one where I can teach instead of yell all day? A rookie can dream.

Happy Halloween. Don't eat too much candy. I've got to start correcting papers before I fall asleep. A teacher's work is never done.

Exhausted.

I'm so tired tonight. The kids wore me down today. I just woke up after falling asleep after dinner. I've woken up to go back to sleep. I didn't get to call many parents tonight. I'm just whipped. Teaching is exhausting.

It's depressing.

I'm feeling down and depressed about the way things are going in my classroom. My kids bitch and moan and throw tantrums and talk all day long. They push and shove and slap and throw things and never stop. I'm pulling my hair out. I'm not giving up but there has to be an easier way. I call a dozen houses a night. It does nothing. I give detentions. It does nothing. Kids get suspended. It does nothing. Doing nothing does nothing. Doing something does nothing. It makes no sense. It makes no sense. Down is up. Up is down.

This is my last year in the inner city unless some kind of magic happens. I hope that I can make some. I want to make some magic. I try so hard and it all blows up in my face every goddamn time. I'm so sick of taking s@&t.

Catching Up!

I used my day off to catch up on a hell of a lot of paperwork. It feels good to get the laundry done and get a stack of papers graded. If only it would stop raining. It's depressing. Rain and gloom. Each time it rains we lose 15 minutes of recess and that's depressing too. I want those students in that lunchroom. I don't want to lose 15 minutes of downtime. Yesterday was really f&*@ing hard. The kids were just awful. Disrespectful, angry, screaming, fractious, and cantankerous. I get so tired of their crap. Why in the hell are they so f&*@ing terrible? It's not just the inner city. That's a goddamn cop out. These kids are just the worst and their parents are to blame. Not the system. Not the inner city. It's the parents. They don't instill any values of any kind. They expect nothing from their children. They demand nothing. I'm left holding the bag.

Sorry to be so negative but negative is telling things straight up. I'm not sugarcoating this. I'm pissed! I'm way out of my element here. Rear your goddamn children, you freaks!

****

Did you happen to check out Bush's utterly fake teleconference today? Rubbish. Complete and total propaganda of the worst and most inept kind. Isn't it time to get rid of this corrupt administration? Impeach these liars. Let's get it on! Clinton got impeached for oral sex. WTF? Bush lied us into an unwinnable war and continues to lie. Bushworld is fantasyland. Impeachment! Say it with me!

Another day off, please?

I've been off for two days because of Rosh Hashanah and Ramadan. Yippie! It's been so nice to be away from the kids. Next week we've got Columbus Day and Yom Kippur. Fantastic!

I really don't want to go back tomorrow. I've had such a nice time off. There isn't any point in going back anyhow. I predict the students will be insane. Another Monday for them and then it will be Friday and Fridays are a waste of time. So, what's the point? Hopefully, it won't be that bad. I need to string together some good days. If I can get on a roll things will be a lot better. At the moment I'm so depressed I can't think straight or work up the enthusiasm necessary to do anything beyond the bare minimum. I don't want to be like this. Unless you've taught there is no way for the uninitiated to know how awful teaching can be when it isn't going right.

Sick of the BS!

Today was a day from Hell. Every Monday is hard because the kids seemingly forget everything over the weekend. This one was doubly hard because we are off tomorrow and Wednesday for religious holidays. What was the point in coming in today? The kids did nothing but screw around. No learning happened in my class today. Lots of temper tantrums, hurt feelings, paper throwing, crying, and some pointless rolling around on the floor. What the @&%*?

I'm in the wrong school. This is my second year in the inner city. I am not suited for this. I do very little substantive teaching. I do lots and lots of nothing. Nothing but managing the behavior of monsters. Well, managing makes me seem like I can actually do something. More like enduring the behavior of monsters who ignore me and every other adult. I'm sick of this. Sick of this. When will the moments of teaching ever happen for me? My life is enduring bull@*&% from monsters and filling out paperwork from indifferent administrators. I'm getting out of here. After this year I'll have two years of teaching under my belt, a masters, and Level 1 certification in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Delaware. That's three states to choose from and there must be a better job in a better elementary school somewhere. I should not have to feel abused, disgusted, and demoralized 90% of the time. Life is too short.

I would like to work somewhere where I felt supported by my administration. A place where my calls for help are answered. Today I must have asked for assistance in my classroom 7 times after lunch. Not once did anyone come to my aid. I'm happy that I wasn't in danger but what if I was? I would have been in big trouble. This is an everyday occurrence in my school. No one is getting any help from school police or the NTAs. This happened last year too. It's dangerous and unacceptable.

I'm getting out after this year. I'm not making a difference. I'm wasting my life.

It never friggin' stops!

I like my kids but they really disappoint me. They make kooky decisions because they are kids. It bugs me some days more than others. Days like today that went halfway decent are still infuriating. I get home late after staying after doing paperwork and rearranging seats and whatnot. I buy stuff at the dollar store for the kids (spending money that I don't really have) and then head home late to see my own family. I scarf down a fast food dinner and then pick up the phone to call parents that aren't there and don't care anyway. The ones that pick up put the kid on the phone with me. Why? I have no freakin' idea. Explains a lot about why they can't do anything in my classroom. After wasting an hour on useless phone calls, I put my own children to bed and then start more paperwork. In a few hours I'll be back in the classroom doing it all over again.

Things are better this year but it is never ever easy. I'm tired and perpetually behind. Mostly, I marvel at the strangeness of the students in my school. They do not seem to get it. The same negative behaviors and values are inculcated in these kids before they get to me and, no matter how hard we try, they can't be eradicated.

This has nothing to do with anything, but the first Smiths record is wonderful. I haven't played it in years and it still holds up. Good rookie schoolteacher music.

Good Times

My depression from earlier in the week has lifted. Thursday and Friday were wonderful. I instituted some new incentives and they seemed to have worked some magic for some of the kids. They had some fun and got their work done and we all went home with a smile. I really like these kids and they are coming around. Hopefully, we can continue on Monday. Weekends are always tough on the classroom because they break the positive momentum. I have a warm glow and it's not alcohol-based for a change. I was actually teaching and enjoying the kids. That's why I got into this in the first place.

I'm listening to Doug Gillard's Salamander as I write this. Sublime. I wish the records he made with Death of Samantha weren't out of print. I wish I could go back to the mid 80's and buy a lot records.

Classroom Management

These last few days have been horrendous. I have a lot of students in my class who just can't stop fighting, sleeping, disrupting, and being negative. It's so exhausting to try your best and have it all unravel because a bunch of spoiled kids with no boundaries want to f*@% it all up. At the moment, I'm stinking up the joint in terms of being a teacher. My class doesn't follow instructions. They complain all the time. They don't want to do anything but eat their goddamn books, fight, and throw temper tantrums. I'm going to ask my masters program for a refund because I was sold a bill of goods. Not once has anyone taught us diddley squat about discipline and classroom management. Not once. I've been taught about every damn thing but nothing about discipline. The most important part of teaching is the classroom management stuff!!! It's the 900 pound gorilla in the room. No one talks about it in grad school. No one talks about it in the school district of Philadelphia. There are never any professional developments about it. The union never talks about it. IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! F*@% the curriculum. If there's no discipline there is no learning. Might as well heat the building with the textbooks.

Why?

I'm working hard, as usual, but my work could be simpler if there were books and teacher's manuals for two of my subjects. It's a real pain in the ass to create lessons out of whole cloth. I'm not a scientist or historian. I know a lot about both subjects but not enough to create curriculum and materials for them. Why would the school district do this? So I've been cutting and pasting everything I can find to create weeks of lessons. It's really aggravating because I don't have the time to do this work. I've got enough on my plate with teaching and classroom management. There's no time left for me to become a researcher too. Still, I've got to do it or face the wrath of the administration.

Drugs, not just for breakfast anymore.

I don't understand parents that don't give their children prescribed medications. I have a number of students that should be on ritalin or similar drugs and their parents refuse to give them the pills. Why? Some of the parents think they are doing the kid a favor. They aren't. The reason I say this is because I see it from the inside. These kids with ADHD and other conditions are dangerous at times to themselves and to others. They aren't having fun in school. They aren't fitting in with their peers. At times they are the butt of jokes from insensitive and cruel peers and staff. They are physically disruptive and destructive and run the risk of injury and perhaps a free ride in the police car. Why do these parents decide to withhold drugs prescribed by a doctor? Some think this is some kind of experiment. I had a parent last year who thought she'd just stop the pills because he must be cured after taking them for a week. No one is cured. It doesn't work that way. Not at my school.

Up and Down

My students are a handful this year. So what else is new in the inner city. I was pretty depressed yesterday evening after my Monday. I should have remembered that it was Monday after all. The kids were just atrocious yesterday afternoon. Today they weren't so bad. I left feeling a lot better. This teaching thing is that way. You're up and then you're down. One day everything is wrong and the next most everything is right. I called 15 parents last evening too. I think that may have lit a fire under a few of my students. Whatever works to help them see the light. I'm not the enemy. I'm just trying to teach some school. Easy now, big fella.

Ready

Well, tomorrow I'm back at it. My students will get better at their routines. I know they will. I'm thrilled to be going to work tomorrow. I wasn't able to say that too much last year. This year is just as hard but different. I feel more at home in my school and in the district. I feel more secure about my place. I know the curriculum. I know the resources available to me. Things are better in so many ways. I'm getting more sleep. Last year I was pulled in so many directions at once. I was taking courses for my masters, taking mandatory new teacher classes from the district, doing all the work of running a classroom, and trying to be a good husband and father. I was dead before I even got out of bed last year. This year I have just one more course to take. I'll be done with it by Thanksgiving! No new teacher class! I just teach and teaching is enough; it consumes every part of you. "Take Five" by Dave Brubeck is the RealPlayer as I write this. Mmm. Time to sign off and go to bed.

Aha!

I was just speaking to a parent. She mentioned that she'd speak to her son about his behavior in the morning. He went to sleep at 7:30, his usual bedtime. Hmm. No wonder he's so full of beans in my class! He's getting about 15 hours of sleep a night! I'd be shot out of a cannon, too, if I was consistently getting 15 hours of sleep a night. Perhaps he can start drinking coffee? I'll give Mom a pound of fresh-ground Blue Mountain.

Just plain tone deaf stupidity

Could the Bush family be any more tone deaf? Barbara Bush says that the poor people displaced by the flooding in New Orleans are better off. What the hell is she talking about? People are looking for family members. Bodies are rotting in the streets. New Orleans is dying and Barbara Bush says these people are getting a wonderful opportunity to live in Texas? What?

I cannot understand for the life of me why these people haven't been run out of town on a rail.

Practice makes perfect

I'm getting my kids used to the routines and procedures of school. They are rusty and unwilling to listen but I'll get them there. By next Friday they should be a lot better.

I have one boy who's on another planet. I'm starting paperwork on him right away. My motto is to get things documented early and often. Same with everything. It's too easy for things to get out of hand if you don't. Teachers need to document everything and backup everything. Got to CYA. Live it, learn it, eat it for breakfast - CYA.

First Day Back

Had a pretty good first day. We are working on our procedures and getting used to our rules. Some students take longer than others. Some want to test you. Some want to test you all the time.

In my second year I've developed a thicker skin. We follow my rules. That's the deal. End of story.

Tomorrow is another day. I'm not talking so much tomorrow. My voice is starting to fray and my legs are throbbing. The voice I can protect. I've got to get used to standing up all day because we aren't allowed to sit down. A few days will get me back in shape.

Got to get some stuff copied and get some other stuff ready for tomorrow. So much paperwork to do. I was up too late last night with last minute stuff. Tonight it is early to sleep.

Red Cross

Please donate to the Red Cross. The victims of Katrina need your help. Give a pint of blood while you're at it. I did last week and you can too. Call 1 800 HELP NOW.

Jonathan Kozol

Here's that quote from Jonathan Kozol in today's NYT Magazine. I couldn't have answered better myself.

Seriously, why would Republicans, who have traditionally opposed big government, encumber schools with the testing requirements attached to No Child Left Behind?

The kind of testing we are doing today is sociopathic in its repetitive and punitive nature. Its driving motive is to highlight failure in inner-city schools as dramatically as possible in order to create a ground swell of support for private vouchers or other privatizing schemes.

Follow the money!

I bought a lot of stuff for my kids today. Lots of trips to Staples, the dollar stores, and the local teacher store. I got a lot of cool stuff and my room will be ready. I've got to make a few things for Tuesday. I'll do that tomorrow and firm up my lesson plans, too. Don't want to be caught with my pants down during an informal observation (certain to happen during the first week).

I read an interesting interview with Jonathan Kozol today in the New York Times magazine. I can't seem to find it to quote from it at the moment but his ideas about No Child Left Behind being a ruse to destroy public education. I'll have to get it and quote and link it up tomorrow. He has a new book coming out (The Shame of the Nation :The Restoration of Apartheid Schooling in America) and it looks to be just what an inner-city Rookie Schoolteacher ought to be reading.

Ready for Action

My room is about ready for the first day of school on Tuesday. The school district is very strange, though. They want everything to be ready in time for the first day but there aren't enough textbooks, curriculum guides, materials, or desks. Yet, instruction must begin on Tuesday. It will happen but why isn't there any plan?

Speaking of no plan, Bush finally admitted he screwed up. We're into the second term and this is his first apology. He must be sweating it. 9/11, terrorism, and Iraq haven't cut into his mountain biking, vacationing, or fundraising with millionaire friends. Katrina has finally lit a fire under his ass. Too bad it took an unprecedented catastrophe to do it. He must hate Katrina more than anyone. Now he actually has to do something. He's actually going to have to become a leader. Can he do it? It's the second term. He needs to finally become a leader.

In terms of leadership, I have three ideas. (1) I hope that Bush can think big and get a CCC type plan together and have people work on rebuilding the devastated areas. This would provide jobs and hope to people who have lost all hope. (2) Hopefully, this disaster will lead to an examination of what we've been doing to our poor people. We've written them off and left them to their own devices in the inner cities for far too long. Any American city would have the same problem if it were destroyed. We have a small pocket of rich folks surrounded by poor as far as the eye can see in Philadelphia, Detroit, Chicago, Baltimore, New York, etc. Allowing this situation to continue unabated is to no one's benefit. It is hurting us not helping us as a society. Finally, (3) the Republicans and Democrats should stop building mountains of money for reelection campaigns. Instead, they should put that money to use for something positive. They should give it to the victims of Katrina. Everyone knows about the candidates. We don't need to know any more than editorials in the newspaper and on Meet the Press on Sunday. Let that be enough. Give the money away and shut up. No one cares anymore anyway. Not when an entire swath of the USA has been destroyed and dead bodies are literally piling up in the streets. We need to come together as a nation and heal those wounds. Heal all the wounds.

New Orleans Snafu

Can you believe how bad things are in New Orleans? Why is Bush on television talking about how he's dispatching ships to bring up the oil that can't get out of New Orleans by pipeline instead of dispatching ships to pick up refugees? I cannot for the life of me understand what this administration is thinking. Bush sounds like it is the fault of the victims. So callous, so unfeeling. Now it's shoot to kill for looters. The people have no food and water. They have nothing and the God Squad wants to shoot them in the streets. Criminal.

I guess it shouldn't be any surprise that the situation in New Orleans is FUBAR. More bright moves from the team that brought you Iraq and Afghanistan. We've been at war for years and the troops still don't have body armor. Those people in New Orleans are in big trouble. I'm writing a check to the Red Cross. Please join me whether or not you agree with my decidedly liberal point of view.

Let the games begin.

The new year has begun. A lot is new. A lot is the same. The grumpy people in my school didn't stop being grumpy. The nice people stayed nice.

I'm looking forward to a much happier year than my first year. All of that stuff is in the books. I'm on the way to a super year, I just need some time to put up stuff, put things away, receive my textbooks, and get my class list. Funny how there's lots of time for meetings but never any time for the important stuff in our meetings. About 95% of today was spent in useless meetings about nothing and about 5% in time for us to get our rooms ready for the kids. Why is this? Why couldn't an email be sent to us over the summer welcoming us, letting us know of opportunities to prepare our rooms, and updating us on staff changes and the like? We're only the teachers. Just a thought. Tomorrow every teacher in the district will be in useless professional development meetings for the entire day. Almost every teacher could put that day to use more effectively in their classroom. I would bet my paycheck that every teacher would agree. We have a long way to go to improve things in Philadelphia.