At Least I'm Not Lazy

Why in the hell did I want to teach in the inner city? Oh, yeah, to make a difference. Difference? What difference am I making? My kids throw sh*t at me, yell curses, flip over desks, throw books, beat the sh*t out of each other for nothing, and refuse to do any work. I'm sick of it. Why did I choose to do this job? I went into debt to go back to school to get a new degree in education just to teach at this nuthouse where I work. I need to go to the nuthouse. I really have a few screws loose.

I'm most likely getting a bad review for my efforts. My principal thinks that my classroom management skills are lacking. Well, I view it this way. At least I'm not a lazy city employee hiding behind my desk. I'm in there working my ass off the entire time. Everything I touch might burst into flames but I'm not giving up or giving in. I give 200% every day. That bad review is proof that I'm in there every day trying to do my job.

At the moment it's hours since I left for the day and I could still pick my desk up and throw it out the window. I'm that angry. My students are horrible. Whatever I try to get things to work better just blows up in my face. I'm sick of my students cursing me out, etc.

I'm so sick of working in a place where no one is wanted, no one wants to be, and no one cares. The kids are miserable, the staff is miserable, and even the building is miserable. What is the point? I hate it. I hate this. I hate what I have become. I must have racked up one hell of a lot of bad karma to end up like this. I'm trapped inside of a nightmare. I'm trapped so deep that I'll never get out.