"Yo, teach where the toilet paper at?" I should have given them a PSSA booklet.

This morning I barely got to work. Signed in late but they hadn't taken away the sign-in sheet. YES! I started out on time but the traffic died on the Ben Franklin Bridge. Franklin was great as a man, but his bridge leaves me hanging on a regular basis. The bridge has a soporific effect that slows things to a crawl. I would feel a little better about being late if there was a payoff at the end of the bridge - a gaping hole eating a semi or a flaming 12-car inferno - instead there's nothing, the traffic just begins moving. No rhyme or reason to it.

We started our PSSA testing today. Just one hour for my 4th graders. It took almost that long to explain the instructions and answer their questions. I prepare them for days in advance and they act like this is the first time they've heard of the PSSA. Why? Just as I'm about to start a teacher coach observer comes in to make sure I've given them everything and covered up every bulletin board, poster, etc. She says "Your children must put away everything but they can make a sheet with everything they remember that they think they will need for the exam. They can write it all quickly and have it with them on their desks." Things were settled and then this woman comes in and stirs everything up. Of course she leaves after saying this. Thirty-eight kids start asking "Mr.? Mr.? Can we use our books to write the sheets? Can we make the sheets? I don't have paper." On and on. Why did this woman come in? Last week we had a meeting about this crib sheet concept. Our administrators said not to do this. This coach was in the meeting sitting across from me. I was happy our principals said not to do the sheets. It might be allowed but it seems dishonest. As soon as she was gone I went right back into getting them settled without crib sheets. Crib sheets be damned.

Why do these teacher coaches exist? What purpose do they serve? My first one was great but she's the only one. I've had two since and they've both been mediocre at best and a pain in the ass at worst. Mostly the latter. I aspire to the teacher coach role. You arrive late each day, leave early, and write notes that no one will ever read. You give the evil eye sometimes. Other times you might offer a tip (this usually coincides with changing the clocks and the batteries in your smoke detector). Mostly, you just say "check the curriculum book" and that's that. The paychecks come by direct deposit. No teaching, no students, no hassles, no schedule, and no accountablilty. Sweet. The school district has hundreds of highly qualified teachers that teach nothing and they're highly paid too. Perhaps things would get better for students if these teachers taught? Just a thought for Paul Vallas if he happens to be reading.

Back to PSSA. Two children in my class cannot speak or write English. They took the English portion of the test this morning. I'm going to make a prediction - they failed. There's a substantial number of kids like this in my school and every one took the test in English. There's something wrong with this picture. No Child Left Behind is really helping somebody somewhere - probably at one of those Republican rubber chicken dinners with Limbaugh or Hannity doing the keynote address. It's not helping poor kids in Philadelphia or kids anywhere for that matter.

PSSA has made a mess of our schedule. We have no preps and the bathroom breaks are not at their correct times because test takers can't be disturbed by kids cueing in the hallway for restrooms. When we finally got to take our kids there was no toilet paper in the girls room. I felt so bad for them. There weren't any replacement rolls so the girls had to make a tricky decision. I don't really blame the school for the toilet paper. The kids destroy the bathrooms every day no matter what we teachers try to do. The kids use up all the toilet paper each day. Still, no toilet paper, dirty bathrooms, and an administration that only allows 2 bathroom keys per floor (6 keys for 900 students!) makes for a bathroom disaster almost all the time.