Here's hoping!

Well, thanks to those who've wished me well on my contract renewal. It means a lot. I'm now left with about 15 days to go. These 15 days will be the hardest of the year. The kids have thrown in the towel. The head cases are now officially off their rockers. It's grand, just grand.



I'm conflicted. I've been sending out resumes to many schools in hopes of moving to a safer, saner, and (hopefully) suburban school. I've done 4 years in the inner city. If things don't work out it will be 5 years. I feel hopeful that a new district will pick me up. I am a man with a masters degree. I have experience. I'm not burnt out. I have "mad skills" according to some of my students. The conflict is over the joy and hope that I feel. I don't want to turn my back on the kids and the horrible neighborhoods they inhabit. Still, I need to get out of here for my own health and sanity. I'm sad about this.



I don't want to leave any of the wonderful kids behind. I don't want to leave my friends behind. I teach with some cool people. Starting over will be hard.



There will be wonderful perks to moving to a better district though. I'll be able to walk through the halls without watching my back. I'll probably not be ripped off as much. I probably won't have my cellphone or car keys stolen. (I've never written about this pre-blog event. My keys were stolen my first semester of teaching. What a f$#king problem that was! I never found out who stole them but that was probably a good thing because I would have gone to jail and lost my license to teach if I had. The gloves would have been off. I'll have to tell that story from the past some day.) I might have history textbooks and a proper school library complete with librarian. I might have a science lab with science materials and a dedicated science teacher. My students might have access to musical instruments, sports, and extracurricular activities. It would be wonderful!



I don't want to get my hopes up; but I've got my hopes up.

Contract in hand at the microphone stand!

I have been offered a new contract! Oh happy day! I guess this time around my teaching was up to snuff. Also, I didn't run afoul of my principal. This year I kept my friggin' mouth shut and everything worked out just fine.

Last year's teaching was just as good as this year's. My principal from last year was just a strutting peacock inflated with the hot breath from the people kissing his big ass. Whatever I said gave him the impression (correctly!) that I saw right through him. I did too. I had his number from go. This dude is pretty well known. When you see him you'll look through him like window glass, too, if you are smart. You are smart or you wouldn't be reading my fabulous blog. Hopefully, you didn't pay him to speak at your conference.

There are quite a few charlatans in our business. They are the ones that make sure you know they have a doctorate or masters degree. They are the ones that strut around and politic and glad hand. When the going gets tough they say inspiring things like "teach math before lunch" and "be sure and sign in on time, you were late yesterday." They take home really big paychecks for nuggets of wisdom like this. Here's another - "You can get information about Gettysburg from the Internet." Thanks. My old principal told me that one day as we were gathering materials for a big project. This guy makes almost 6 figures. 6 friggin' figures! The toaster in the break room has more smarts and it can heat up frozen pizza!!

But I, hopefully, will never see him again. What am I going to do this summer? Should I work?

Philly Schools are Dangerous! Who Knew?

I walked out the door and picked up the Philadelphia Inquirer and the top story is "Report: City schools unsafe, unjust." Hmm... seems familiar. There's a 70-page report detailing the problems with discipline and safety in Philly schools. Students aren't being expelled because of weapons violations. Students are being sent to alternative settings but it is a very small percentage of the worst offenders. Most discipline problems with children result in nothing and the students are returned to the classroom. To quote,"Philadelphia public schools are unsafe places where students who commit violent crimes are rarely punished and rehabilitated and with a discipline system that is 'dysfunctional and unjust,' according to a report by the district's safe schools advocate."

I've been writing about this stuff for years because I've been living it. It's depressing to be a teacher striving to make a difference in a place like this. Last year about this time the Inquirer was running stories about teachers that were attacked,etc. (I was interviewed but my story never appeared.) It seemed like things might be changing because one of us got his neck broken. Literally. But summer came and that was the end of it. On to writing about the next important thing - Amy Winehouse's funky, heroin-soaked beehive.

It's bad in the inner-city school. I've had students pretend to shoot me with their finger. They then say "You wait until next time." It chills you. Guns are as prevalent as Xbox in the inner city. You write it up and the disciplinarian laughs at you and shrugs. You forget about it. You remember the next day when you see the same kid. You wonder. Maybe your number is up? You think about what an f*&ked up situation is all is. You've come as a professional to provide an education that will help someone. Instead it doesn't matter. You wonder if you car will still have its tires when you leave at the end of the day. Will that kid be waiting in the spare tire compartment? Will you make it home to your own family? Then you think about the student loans that you repay every month. In reality you are paying cash money for this abuse. Down is up. Up is down.

Oh, sorry, I've been digressing. The Inquirer story is a great one. It illustrates yet again what a ridiculous system we have. Will it change anything? Who knows? I'm guessing it won't. There are new ideas out there that might make a difference in school climate. Will Okun's blog was recommended to me by my old friend JJ. He suggests in one of his posts that we pay the kids to come to school. Smart thinking from a Chicago teacher. Maybe he's on to something. My students have no interest in school. They might if we slid some cash their way. I'll pay them to try to learn. A little cash might prevent me from getting shanked on the playground. Either way it's a win/win solution.

Standardized mania

My kids have been taking standardized tests this week. My kids are either the sneakiest or the dumbest kids I have ever taught. We've had at least 4 incidents a day. Kids who've gone back to work on previous portions they weren't able to finish. Kids who've pulled out textbooks to consult during sections they don't understand. Kids who are writing essays in the wrong section of the book. Kids who have answered everything in the test book instead of on the answer sheet.
I have one student whose test is completely voided because he's a dumbass. I've never had a class like this.

My kids cannot follow the simplest directions. Following directions to the letter is an impossible task for them. It's amazing. Part of it is what they see around them. Hardly anyone follows directions in their homes and neighborhoods. It's very sad. What's going to become of these kids?

The testing is driving them bananas. They cannot deal with being quiet or sitting still for any time at all.

I'm strapped in for the ride to the end. I'm on the glide path. This is a good thing. If one more kid yells at me... What should I do? Maybe some sadistic torture. Read War and Peace over the weekend! Write a book report!

Teacher Appreciation Week

It's National Teacher Appreciation Week. Thank a teacher. Send them some flowers. Bring them some candy. Send them a substitute.



Teachers get the shaft, in my humble opinion.

Milkmen

My friend Darcy wrote about the Dead Milkmen and it brought this video to mind. Thanks YouTube. A nice time capsule of things that don't exist anymore in Philly, including the Dead Milkmen. Here's a link to Gnarls Barkley. My students don't know who they are. "Gnarls Barkley? Who that?"

Groove back?

It's been all out of control at Rookie schoolteacher central. The warm air has turned my students from surly punks to almost uncontrollable surly punks. At least some of them. I'm adrift in a sea of detention slips and suspension notices. It's so unnecessary. The kids that I teach are so ridiculously unsocialized. The heating of the Earth that makes Spring a flowerfilled adventure turns my children into frenzied bolts of hormone-fried lightning. They can't sit still, they can't stop moving, they can't stop talking, they can't stop fighting, and they don't feel like learning. Spring is so nice.

How do I deal with this, you might ask? Well, not very well so far these couple of weeks. Spring may have excited my little ones but it has yet to wake me from my winter lethargy. I have no energy to grade or discipline or anything else. I would like to watch a movie or something.

Still, the year is on its way to being over. It's almost May. Soon the kids will be moving on and summer will be in full effect.

I hope I get my groove back. Teaching is like the long baseball season. You get in the doldrums sometimes and it takes a while to get your swing back. Perhaps the new Gnarls Barkley record will help. I bought it yesterday and it is so very good.

Yes, I am a Gnarls Barkley aficionado. Aficionado was one of our vocabulary words today. I love those guys! If they didn't say the f word in one of the songs I might bring it in and play it for the kids. I should bring some of the clean stuff in. Maybe some Dead Milkmen too. Perhaps some Motorhead. "Ace of Spades" would be wonderful. "And don't forget the joker."

Just 6 more years to proficiency!

I've been doing this blog since April 2005. It's April 2008. What a long strange trip it's been and yet I still feel like a Rookie Schoolteacher at this. Much wiser teachers than me have said it takes 10 years to really get this job down. I would agree. Here's to another 6 years of working to basic proficiency level.

I'm patting myself on the back.

Poop!

So I'm walking out of the building and step into the stairwell with my class. Something squishy is under my heel. I look down and wonder of wonders, I'm stepping in human sh$t! Fu#%ing excellent! What a way to finish off a horrible Monday with my wonderful students. It's been a fun day of "I have a headache! I have to see the nurse! I have a stomachache! I have to see the nurse! I have a fingerache! I have to see the nurse! I have to blow my nose. I need to use the bathroom! I have to go to the bathroom! I have to go to the office to call my house I didn't tell my mom I have flugelhorn practice!" Everything at "I have to!" No. Actually, you don't have to do anything. And stop blowing your nose in your hand and wiping it all over your face. You're a big boy now.

Who is taking a dump in the goddamn stairwell? WTF? More likely someone is moving the poop from somewhere and dumping it in the stairwell. Again, WTF?

Maybe the stairwell dumper has a blog? I'll google it. Disgruntled teachers have blogs. Disgusting stairwell poopers probably have them too. Probably like this...

I was at school today and I got that urge. The urge to heh, heh, heh you know... That's right. I popped one out on the third floor landing. LOL! I was almost caught though. Why do people have to use the stairs for walking. WTF? I mean what do people even have to have feet for? Why walk on beautiful stairs with your cruddy feet? All you need is a set of well washed stairs and an excretory system.

I can only imagine the blogs. We teachers have it easy though. What's a little poop. I get the summers off, what am I complaining about?

April Fools

Ah, it's been such a great April so far and we're only on day 2. Many students are ready to finish out the end of the year strong. They are focused. Major tests will happen soon and they will do fine. These students are in the minority in my class and school. I have quite a few students that are completely "off the chain" since returning from Spring break.

Some recent moments have included a student threatening to beat me up because I made the mistake of asking him for his homework papers. A student screaming at me at the top of his lungs because I asked him to get out his Science book and stop talking. The same student throwing his desk and books on the floor and then storming out of the classroom. Of course he slammed the door as hard as he could. (The company that makes the safety glass with the wire inside sure makes it strong. That classroom window never cracked.) Lots of rolling of the eyes. Lots of not listening to anything. Lots of huffing and puffing. Lots of tears. Lots of anger.

It's frustrating.

The other day I stopped my science lesson and said "Thank you to those who are listening and taking part. The rest of you... how can I interest you? I mean this is our planet we're learning about. We only live here. I'm not teaching you about something that doesn't matter. How can I interest you...?" It makes me sad and mad, too. My students have so much against them. Many will succumb to the madness that surrounds us in the inner city. Less than 50% of Philadelphia public school kids will graduate from high school. This is very sad but many of these students sink themselves. Perhaps they will get it on their own with a GED in the future?

It's frustrating.

On a lighter note, I intercepted this love note the other day.

Is he very very very cute if he go out with he

DUH?!

Reply?

What kind of response will this girl get? "If he go out with he?" Is she interested in a boy that likes boys? "If he go out with she?" He is going out with another girl? "Is he very very very cute if he go out with he?" He's really cute when he goes out with boys on a date? Kinky.

It makes me laugh but in a bittersweet kind of way when I read these love notes. They make no sense as letters. What have they done with all the letter writing practice we've done? How are they ever to fall in love if their letters can't be understood? There's always lots of fighting along with the courtship in the schools. Perhaps it's all due to written misunderstandings? Or maybe he is very cute when he dates a boy?

I got an advanced degree for this. Yeah!

Not one kid had any interest in April Fools Day. What's up with that?

The belly of the beast

I'm blogging from inside the belly of the beast. I'm in the cushy teacher's lounge. Of course I'm getting my nails manicured, checking my stock portfolio, and declining another serving of cracked crab.

Seriously, I'm feeling yucky today. I think a cold is moving into my system in time for the Easter holidays. Hopefully, some Nyquil substitute from Walgreens will fix me.

There's a lot of stuff out there now, as always, about how the teacher's unions are responsible for the situation in our schools. I need to put some links to this stuff because it is all a bunch of lies foisted by evil lobbyists. Maybe these smear campaigns are laying my immune system low.

Teaching reality check

One of my students had a close relative killed. I'm very bummed. All of my students navigate a world that my white graduate school ass could never navigate. I have to be tough to exist in my school but I almost cried in class when I got this news. I've been bummed since.

My afternoon consisted of talking to counselors, taking a trip to the drug store for a sympathy card, calling parents to express my sadness, and taking a trip to the record store for a pick me up CD.

I'm listening to some very loud punk rock and having a beer. I'm going to watch some funny stuff on the tube.

I'm going to give my kids a lot of time to process this stuff. Reality bites.

McCain?

Idiots keep talking about how Obama is a Muslim sleeper agent. Why couldn't McCain be a North Vietnamese secret agent? Hmm. He was a prisoner for a long time. He kind of looks like Uncle Ho, too. Just a thought. A few months into the presidency and Donald Pleasance calls McCain and says "The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. Remember Comrade, miles to go before I sleep." Then some real crazy stuff happens before Charles Bronson shows up to fix everything. Just a thought.

English spoken here. Not!

I'm not sure why my students have such a hard time with the English language. We can't do verb tenses. We drop endings off verbs. We change the logical order. This is both in written and spoken English. They do it, their parents do it, and teachers from the same groups do it. My students are native English speakers and so are their parents. What is going on here? Why do my students from all minority groups have such trouble with their native tongue?

I've just got done grading a bunch of written projects. Can you tell? Why am I surprised that students in the inner city can't speak properly? People in my own family can't speak proper English either. Oh well. It's just frustrating to read my students' work and I really can't read a lot of it. It doesn't make sense. I go over proper grammar all the goddamn time. What the f#%&#?

Pretty good for government work.

I've been having a nice few days at school. My kids have been pretty good. We might actually score 200 points for the week. If we can reach 200 the students will get a movie next Friday as a reward. I hope that we can do it. I've had this prize out there since December and we have yet to get it.

My students make their own problems. They have it good in my room. We shut the door on the rest of the nutty school and do our thing. I enjoy laughter in my classroom. I enjoy a game here and there. I like to make the learning fun. It can be so good to be in the room when things are cool. It's very irritating when the kids come at things the wrong way and make bad decisions. They have it pretty good in my school. I've taught in places where I probably should have been packing a bazooka. This school isn't that bad. The facilities are good. The teachers actually care. I guess it's human nature to want to screw things up. Maybe those kids will get it years from now when they remember the times they spent with the Rookie Schoolteacher?

Teachers like order. Teachers love people who want to learn. Teachers love kids.

I am a teacher.

Let's hope we get our 200. I want to watch a movie. I want to eat snacks. What should it be? Perhaps one of my favorites, The Blues Brothers? Perhaps when I want to get a new career?

Up to my neck in paperwork

Today was a horrible day. What's with the kids lately? No one wants to do anything. Everyone wants to fight. The whole school is like this.

On days like this I wish one of the many morons who like to kick teachers could teach science to my kids.

I'll smile as they eat you alive.

I need a smile but will settle for a beer.

My headache is raging and it's been hours since I was locked inside my roasting hot classroom.

I want to do something else. I want to go watch tv and relax. Instead, I'm up to my neck in paperwork and grades and report cards.

Tomorrow three of my worst kids are getting suspended. It will be like Christmas, Woodstock, and a trip to the liquor store all rolled into one.

Black History Month

I've been teaching all day and it's been frustrating. We're in the midst of Black History Month or African-American History Month or whatever you want to call it. My kids are learning about famous African Americans from all walks of life and time periods. My frustration is you'd think the kids might be respectful since we're learning about people who are like them. People who have similar backgrounds. People who look and feel like them. You'd think this would make a difference. It doesn't. I might as well be teaching about ancient Roman cisterns or slime molds or the devaluation of the Rupee. They don't give a damn about anything I have to say.

Who cares about Rosa Parks, George Washington Carver, Malcolm X, or Marcus Garvey? Obviously, none of this stuff is important to anyone but the Rookie Schoolteacher himself. "Mr.? We got to know this?"
"This stuff is whack! I know this stuff. I learned it already."
"Yes, we need to learn and know this stuff."
"Ahhhh man.... I ain't learning this...."
"Why can't we learn about Michael Jordan?"
"He's on the list."
"Ahhhh... I don't... I ain't...I...."
"I ain't doing any of this sh&%!"

And so it goes. It gets to me how everything is so negative in the environment where I teach. Seemingly, no one wants to know a goddamn thing. No one cares about anything. I'm a spaceman come to impart knowledge but no one heeds it. At the end of the day I blast off in my spaceship and go back to my home planet. The metaphor is me. I really am a friggin' spaceman. I live on what is effectively another planet.

These kids don't even give a crap about Barack Obama. How sad is that? How do I reach them?

I'm really hoping Barack wins, by the way. I love the guy and he will finish once and for all one of the gripes my students love to throw at me and all teachers - "No one is going to elect a black president." I can see it now. Barack takes the oath. A silly student says "They ain't going to let a black man do anything so I don't have to do this sh$% either!" "What are you talking about. We have a black president. Get out your pencil and notebook and GET TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!"

I really love Black History Month. You know The Autobiography of Malcolm X is my favorite book? I love history. Ask my wife. When she leaves the room I switch to the History Channel. It bugs me that the kids take no joy in it. What do they take joy in?

I really have to get out of the inner city, someday.

Low reserves

This past week was tough. I'm not sure what's been eating me but my reservoir of patience is running low. I'll admit that some of my week's difficulties came from my lack of patience. The climate of the school is changing too. I notice less and less energy from my students. The energy has been replaced with smoldering anger. My students and the students in the general population from K-8 are beginning to go. We're all starting to lose them. Rookie schoolteachers and vets are all starting to see slippage. They are realizing spring means school's almost done. Voices are speaking deep inside saying "Stop listening! It's almost done!"

Say a prayer for all those people shot in Illinois. Classrooms shouldn't be shooting galleries. Enough said.

I'm going to enjoy my Presidents Day Weekend. Hope you enjoy yours. Think about Polk or Chester A. Arthur. They never get any play. Send one out to Benjamin Harrison or William Henry Harrison. Think about Tippicanoe and Tyler too. Party like a rockstar or even better like Andrew Jackson. Look it up.

Just another day filled with fluids.

I have a real problem with my kids and trips to the nurse. They literally pull out their teeth. I teach young ones and losing teeth is natural. It isn't natural to pull out a tooth that's kind of loose so you can take a trip to the nurse and get out of class for a while. A student this week said "Mr. my tooth is hurtin'." She went to the bathroom. Five minutes later she's back and there's blood everywhere. It's all over her blouse, it's on the door handle, it's everywhere! Ugh!!!!!!

In this day and age you can't be too careful. I have a thing about bodily fluids. I already put myself in jeopardy just to get to work. I don't want any of your goo on me. (That doesn't sound very teacher nurturing touchy feelie hippie dippy does it? Blow it out your pencil sharpener if it bothers you. I'm afraid of Hepatitis, HIV, Christian Conservatism, anything that's communicable.) I put on my school issued rubber gloves, the kids laugh, and I send this young lady to the nurse. I wash everything down with cleaner. I seethe inside because this didn't have to happen. That tooth wasn't that loose if all that blood came too. Just another thing we like to do in my room.

I think I could write a novella about the things the children do to get to go to the nurse/bathroom/front desk/water fountain.

A friend of mine has a student that poops his pants two times a day. Things could always be worse. They ought to carve that phrase on my teacher tombstone someday, that or "Wu Tang Forever."

I'm writing from deep inside my hazmat suit. Good day.

Keeping the maniacs at bay.

Wow, I didn't realize until logging in that my last post was my 222nd on January 22nd. Cool. The posts do accumulate over time.

I should have gone up to the Meadowlands to see Barack Obama today. The afternoon was very difficult. I don't like having extra kids in my room and that's what happened to me today. Many, many teachers were out and we can't get any subs in the inner city and that leaves us teachers on the hook with extra beligerent kids. Try doing your job when you have kids actively trying to undermine everything you are doing at every step of the way.

I ponder my life at these points. How in the Hell did I get into a career where I have to yell at people and fight with them all the time? Sure, I reason and use my smarts and my teacher training but sometimes you just have to go toe to toe. I fight with no one in my personal life and I love that about my life. I don't want to fight. Something is wrong here.

I used to have an office with a door and I could close that door. Oh, the sweet feeling of closing that door and getting my work done in peace. Now, my door is closed but it's closed out of concern for my safety. I'd rather be locked in with my students than be open and exposed to the other maniacs, uh, I mean students and parents and members of the general public who seem to be able to wander in at will.

I should have gone to see Obama. I would have been having fun. Instead I got a wicked headache from calming down insane children.

A shout out to all the good teachers that came to work today. Thank you! The rest of you slackers need to drag your sorry asses in to work tomorrow. I'm tired of holding your jock.


*******

A tip of the Rookie Schoolteacher chapeau to my friend Darcy, owner and operator of Darx Unplugged. She's got it going on in Ohio. I predict she'll be knitting a yellow Devo jumpsuit soon in celebration of Mark Mothersbaugh's honorary doctorate at Kent State. Anyway, check her out at the link over there on the side margin. You see it over there. Give it a click for delightful banter about living off the grid, crockpot cookery, knitting needles, and delightful movie and book reviews. I've known her for about 18 years now more or less. You'll be in good hands.

Special

I'm not in a very good mood tonight. We were off for MLK Day and as a result the kids were out of control today. I've had enough of sassy kids. I'm tired of obnoxious kids. I've had my fill.

I didn't have a chance to make any phone calls home tonight. I wanted to. I'll pay for that tomorrow.

My earache is back. I wish it would go away.

I was able to go running tonight. The running helped to alleviate some of the black cloud that's been lingering after my day. Writing this blog is helping to drain the rest of my frustration. Teaching isn't easy. It takes a special person to be a teacher. I'm not feeling so special tonight.

Bad Kids! Help!

I just finished calling a few parents about behavior problems today. I called Sam's house and spoke to his father (all names have been changed to protect the innocent).

Teach: "Hi, Sam's father? This is Sam's teacher."
Dad: "Oh, hello."
T: "I wanted to give you a call about Sam's behavior today in class."
D: "What did he do?"
T: "Well, he was disruptive, disrespectful, talkative, and angry. He wouldn't listen to me or to other teachers after lunch. He refused to get out his books. He didn't turn in any homework today and gave me attitude about it."
D: "SAM! Get your ass up! Shut off the damn Playstation, boy! What did you say he did? Talked back?"
T: "Yes sir."
D: "MOM, your son is in trouble! Get your ass in here! I got this, Mr. He won't be giving you any more worries." Click.

It's hard not to laugh as all hell breaks loose during your call to a problem kid's house. Of course I don't. It's Nagasaki and Hiroshima on Sam's ass over at his house. Or so it would seem. I hope they aren't too hard on him. I don't want the kid to get a beating. That's the common response to a call from the teacher. Not a spanking. A beating. That isn't going to change his behavior. It's very hard to reach a kid like "Sam" who's angry, distant, and has low skills. It's even harder if he associates you with a beat down from Dad. He also has a whole bunch of stuff that's happened to him that would knock a full-grown adult for a loop. I can understand why he's such a problem in my class. I'm sure he's a problem everywhere. That's not the point. How do I reach this kid? That's the point. What to do???? Help me No Child Left Behind!!!!!!!

Banging my head in 2008.

Today was good and bad. A lot of kids came ready to learn. About 5 came ready to screw around. I'm making phone calls to parents. I'm ready to teach. I'm so tired of being a disciplinarian. So much of my inner-city teaching experience is spent dealing with discipline issues. It's one of the most cited answers that teachers give when asked "Why did you leave the exciting and profitable world of teaching?" I'm not leaving any time soon. It's a hell of a lot easier teaching after a few years in. I'm sure next year will be even easier. Still, it is exhausting. It's like banging your head against the wall. The same kids never seem to get it.

A bright note, Chinese New Year is coming. MLK day is coming. Christmas is coming. Avon is calling.

Happy New Year!

Here's to the new year 2008. I wish everyone a happy new year and send good tidings your way. Can you feel them? That tingling that you thought was carpal tunnel syndrome. That's me baby. A little Rookie Schoolteacher coming at you.

Anyhow, I must work tomorrow. The teaching must happen. I wish there were a few more days of vacation time. To be honest, I have no interest in going in tomorrow. My students will be very hard to rein in. We will have to start as if it's the first day of school. Perhaps things will be OK? I will look on the bright side. Tomorrow is a new year. It's 2008. Everything is good. Everything is bright and new and the only way is up. Positive. Positive. I will be positive and my kids will be positive.

Well, I must pack my bag for tomorrow. I wish I had more corrected papers to put in. Teacher guilt. I did need a vacation, too. The papers will get corrected. Plus, there's a whole bunch of new stuff to correct coming in with my students. They all had projects to do over the break.

Literacy coaches are a waste of tax money.

I was raking the lawn today and it gave me some time to reflect. I am so busy as a teacher that it is hard to find quality time to be reflective. That was one of the things I was thinking about as I raked. I thought back to the meetings of the past week. Lots of meetings where administrators asked us teachers to complete huge forms identifying problem areas in our teaching and other forms describing all of the new strategies we will use to improve all the weaknesses in our students. These meetings make me miserable. The district has all of these administrators and coaches that do no classroom teaching. They make a lot more money than a lowly classroom teacher like the rookie schoolteacher. These people run these meetings where they literally sit on the teachers until they produce these documents. Why don't these people do their jobs?

I am a classroom teacher. I'm in the trenches fighting the good fight. I am not a general with an overview of the battle. I cannot formulate strategy. I'm trying to survive. I'm trying to keep my soldiers alive. That's it. The literacy coaches, math coaches, and principals all have the experience, courses, and time to analyze data and invent strategies for us to use. Why don't we teachers band together in these meetings and tell these lazy people to do their jobs? It really makes me sick. The coaches in my school never teach anything to anyone. They are always too busy to help you plan a lesson, teach a sample lesson, or help you figure out how to use the textbooks and all the materials that go with them. They are usually busy drinking coffee, running errands for the principal, or just missing in action. These people could be analyzing data. They simply are wasting time and they make classroom teachers do the work instead. Literacy coaches and math coaches are a waste of tax money.

I sure don't understand. Just some thoughts about the layers of unaccountability between my classroom and the door to the parking lot. Being reflective helped me rake the lawn. It sure looks nice except for those bare patches where the leaves wrecked the grass. Being a teacher just doesn't allow for much time for domestic chores during the teaching part of the year.

Merry, merry, merry!

Hi. Merry Christmas from the Rookie Schoolteacher Classroom to you and yours. Just a few notes on the day. The kids have gone. They partied down and ate a metric ton of sugar. They bounced around the school like pinballs. They left. Spent the afternoon partying down with professional development paperwork. That took friggin' forever. It's all over and all submitted and the administrative yen for mindless bull crap has been satisfied. Many trees have died and been put into yet another file cabinet never to be seen or read again. But, it's done. I feel a sense of accomplishment. A sense of peace. About half the year is done. I have time now to do some relaxation, catch up on paperwork, see the family, eat a metric ton of sugar, and perhaps do a 5k on the first of the year. We will see.

Do enjoy the holidays and enjoy whatever holiday you do. Remember, in the immortal words of Jake Blues, to "keep both feet on the wheel and do what you feel."

My early Xmas gift is a link to an appropriate Xmas video.

We built this city.

I was listening to the radio in the car this morning and "We built this city" by Starship came on. I listened for more than a few just astounded at what a blast from the past piece of steaming poop this song really is. Wow. Drugs are bad. Don't take them. That is the true message of Starship. This band was Jefferson Airplane and really cooked back about the time I was being born. Compare the two. One is protopunk and the other is a dog's dinner.

My kids are really starting to get nutty because of the impending arrival of Santa. Their behavior both socially and academically is taking a nosedive. The dive becomes deeper with each day. Some of my kids celebrate no holidays at all. I feel particularly bad for them. They are already marginalized by factors beyond their control and then celebrate religions that further separate them from everything. To be young, poor, and minority is bad enough. You have the shaft already. No xmas or substitute is so sad.

I'm returning to my pile of Saturday papers to grade. Much of it is junk. I need to reteach what isn't getting through. Their nuttiness doesn't permit much learning to get through. Thankfully, the holidays begin at the end of next week. I need to get to my work. I also need to turn up the thermostat. My fingers aren't typing too well. Snow and sleet is on the way. Come on snow and sleet. Work your magic. Put the whammy on Monday.

I pity the fool.

I was watching TV yesterday and saw this commercial. I love Mr. T. Check this out. I wish Mr. T was working in my school.

My students are up and down today. They really want to pick on each other lately. It's a shame. They take so much joy in hurting others. My school is superdisfunctional lately. There's no communication lately. Everything is just expected of us as teachers. The administration is accountable to nobody. We're running out of everything. Who's ordering supplies? I can't wait for next Friday. I can cruise to the 21st and then a sweet break. I need a break. I'm running on fumes.

Roky by way of Darcy

Roky Erickson is just the man. I bring this up because my friend Darcy sent me some You Tube links to cool songs and I started looking around. It's really easy to burn an hour on You Tube because one thing leads to another and you realize you've been watching the Skeletor Show for 45 minutes. Anyhow, Roky Erickson has a bunch of clips and he's just so much fun. Check out White Faces and then go nuts. I hope he plays Philly soon. I'll take my school kids... or not.

George Bush is Insane!

George Bush is bat shit crazy. He's just determined to go after Iran. He needs to be impeached. Iraq and the rest is more than enough for impeachment. More than enough to send him and the rest of his administration to jail. We as a people need to step up and say something.

Lesson plans cue the memories.

I'm doing my plans and listening to WFMU online. Some excellent punk rock makes the plans go faster. I noticed this wonderful shirt when I checked their site for a playlist from the show. $12. I'm going to get one of these. I used to listen to WFMU when I was at Seton Hall. I was on a dj on their radio station WSOU but I really wanted to be on 'FMU. WSOU was all metal at the time. It was 1986. Big hair was king. I was not about the hair but I wanted to spin records. I played what sort of sounded as unlike metal as possible. Stuff like "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead. I almost got thrown off the station because I played a song that wasn't metal. The guy that almost threw me off went on to work at B101. He's still there condemned to play Rick Astley for all eternity. "Never Gonna Give You Up..." Anyway, I digress into my ideal version of the past. I wanted to share a funny shirt. My avatar will be sporting this in some chat room for old college djs. Look for me. My head will look like Ira Kaplan's from Yo La Tengo. Gotta go. "Back in the New York Groove" by Ace Frehley is playing.

Welcome to December!

I finished my novel. I wrote 50,100 words from November 1-November 30. I fell off my word count around Thanksgiving and couldn't seem to get past 30,000 for a while and then whoosh it all came out. I wrote 10,000 words in two days and finished up about 8:00 last night! So I feel relieved and exhilarated and like a champion, baby! My novel is about the teaching life. I'm going to set it aside a few days and then read it and edit it and who knows? I'm going to send it out into the world and see what happens. National novel editing month is coming!

Hope everything is great with you. Thanks for reading. More posts to come. I'm back, baby!

I need to go because my daughter is running around singing "25 days until Christmas!" It's too funny.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey, happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Thanks for reading. I've been making pumpkin pies this morning and locating giblets inside our turkey carcass. At least I think they're giblets.

Not that many days to Christmas break! Yipee!

Mr? He mean!

I received a wonderful teacher compliment from a student. "Mr. is mean. Well, he's not mean, he's strict. He's nice, too." I'd like to be known as strict but nice at the same time. I don't know what I've been lately. I'm so full of mucus and sluggish. I really want to call out tomorrow but it always looks bad when you call out on a Friday. Plus, I'll sure as hell pay for it on Monday. A moment's pleasure and some cold recovery will turn into unbelievable torture come Monday. Just need to get through tomorrow. Sleep in Saturday and Sunday and then do three days and I cash in a 4-day weekend. I can do it!

On a positive note, the novel (about teaching, big surprise!) is coming along. To do 50,000 words in a month you've got to do 1667 words a day. I'm on it!

Cathartic Shredding Scissors

I was reading a teaching magazine today and came across some photos of a particularly vile ex-principal of mine. I took out these new shredding scissors my wife just bought at the Container Store and chopped the sh*t out of him. It was so cathartic. It would be nice if more of the people who have been horrible to me would show up in the day's mail. A few snips of their pictures into the recycling bin feels so good.

I have a day off for election day and it's been wonderful. The only problem is I have to go in tomorrow. My mood is disintegrating. My patience is evaporating because I deep down just want to stay in bed tomorrow instead of driving in to school to shape young minds. I haven't missed a day and won't until it's necessary but another day off would be sweet. It's ironic that teaching makes me less patient. It should be the other way around.

Platitudes and Pablum

What are the churches so afraid of when it comes to Halloween? "We can't celebrate Halloween because we're Christians!" This is a bunch of malarkey. There's nothing in the bible about celebrating or not celebrating Halloween. Let the kids have their parties, sweets, etc. Everything is so watered down and dumbed down and safe. No thinking needs to happen because here's everything you need in a nice box. Put a helmet, flak jacket, and thick oven mitts on while you open it up. Don't think so much or at all. We did it for you. Open up wide and eat every bite. Ugh!

It's like that lately. My kids need to know things. We teach to benchmark tests. Who cares if the country is at war? Is it the Iraq war or is it Vietnam? I don't know. I don't care. What does it matter anyway, Teach? We only teach about Literacy and Math. Science? Social Studies? Don't even get me started.

Sorry for the venting. So much to vent about. We aren't allowed to think any more. We're just expected to spout platitudes and pablum.

At least National Novel Writing Month has begun! I've started mine!

No Halloween!

Our school does not celebrate Halloween. There's no mentioning the holiday, no candy, no costumes, no nothing. I understand the need to keep all of the commotion and time wasting away from the school day. I've taught at other schools with Halloween parties and parades. Lots of upset to the school day and no learning happens. Still, keeping Halloween from our kids stirred them up something awful. They got worse when they realized I was serious about no Halloween of any kind and no candy either. Some of my colleagues gave out pumpkin or witch word searches and things. I'm not losing my job over a dumbass policy so there were no treats like that in my room.

Rainy Days and Laundry Always Make Me High!

It's a rainy Saturday. Here's the plan for today: Out for breakfast at the local place for a little pancakes and family bonding. Get on the computer for about 3 hours of planning, if we are lucky and the school-supplied laptop doesn't fail like it did last weekend. Wash and dry as much clothing as possible, if we don't run out of detergent. Clean up anything that needs to be cleaned up along the way. Drink coffee at all times to stay awake during planning, folding, and cleaning. Hopefully, things will work out and there will be clean, unwrinkled clothes to wear on Monday as we teach our delicious lessons to a greatful audience.

Shout outs to my friends Bob and Tim.

Bob has an utterly fantastic blog - Art Blog by Bob. Check him out. Bob is one of the smartest coolest dudes you'll ever run into. I'm thinking you might spot him nibbling a muffin at the Whitney sometime.

Tim does the zine Dagger and he's got a new website. His site is awesome and is lightyears away from the photocopies and staples and LPs of 20 years ago. Has it been that long? It seems like yesterday I'd sell a few for him and try to pick up punk girls at City Gardens.

I take bus #1! Really, I do!

Today was a good and bad day. I was observed and my observation notes were some of the best I've received in years. My teaching was seen to be proficient in all sorts of ways. It's good to be appreciated as a professional by others on the staff. The bad part was I didn't perceive my day as being that great. My kids are getting really surly and disrespectful and it's bugging me. I hate having to deal with disrespectful kids that don't change their behaviors. I spoke to a few parents at dismissal time. That was fun. One of my new boys said "I don't care!" each time I corrected him on anything. He lost his recess and then lost it from another teacher during his special. I said to him that I'd see his parent at dismissal time and take care of him. "I take bus 1!" "Ok. I'll see you at dismissal," I said knowing full well he doesn't take a bus. Well, new boy ran to Mommy at dismissal time instead of the mysterious bus 1. I ran and caught them and told Mom all about his "I don't care." Those tears flowed like Niagra Falls as Mom put his ear in her vice-like grip and pulled him out of the parking lot. I wonder if he'll give me the same crap tomorrow.

Probably. My years of experience tell me, probably.

Weird Tales Inside the Goldmine

If you're expecting a Doors post because of my weird non sequitur head, please look elsewhere. If you are here for cutting-edge news you can use from education's top mind then read on.

President Bush is giving the Dalai Lama a Congressional Gold Medal today. I imagine it went something like "I want to award this Congressional Medal of Honor to the Dalai Lama, his heroism under fire was remarkable. He took on an entire company of Red Chinese at the Chosin Reservoir. He kept firing his trusty M-1. His ammo ran out and he used his rifle as a club. He singlehandedly destroyed two machine gun nests using only piano wire and a broken Ortega taco shell. He pulled out a man's heart and showed it to him before he died. When it was over he was covered in blood, wreathed in smoke, and surrounded by hundreds of Red Chinese and North Korean corpses. Thank you for your service. You are an inspiration." I'm sure there was a lot of awkward silence after they told him that the Dalai Lama is a man of God, not a Korean War vet. Perhaps they'll have feed from it on tonight's Letterman show. Every night they have funny footage of Bush putting his foot in his mouth.

I've received two weird and disconcerting Chinese fortune cookie messages in the past two days. "You make enough money that you should be able to hang on to some." "You will soon be taking a trip across great waters." One is an admonishment for my financial state. The other is an ominous warning of my impending death. I hope not. I don't want to die and I don't want to go to debtor's prison. We teachers don't make too much money. I will happily take any donations for my classroom. I'm not ready for a dirt nap, however.

My school is very disorganized lately and I continue to get new students on a daily basis. Hello? Powers that be? Yeah it's the teacher. Lay off. Enough already. I'm out of desks. Exnay on the udentstay.

Booze and Cigarettes

"It smells like booze and cigarettes out here!" Words from a 4th grader at 7:50 am.

Out of the mouths of babes.

Math Woes

There's a lot of negativity in my kids lately and it's getting me down. I try to stay on the bright side but it is hard when so much of what the kids bring is so negative. It is hard to be positive.
I walk around my part of the school on my breaks and hear what goes on. Most of the teachers sound like me. They have their good parts and bad parts. They are all dealing with the same problems and behaviors. It's remarkable how much we sound alike at times. I laugh as I hear what sounds like my stage patter coming out of a teacher totally different from me. Obviously, not as different as I thought. So much of teaching is like some Zen koan. If you see it then you don't see it, young grasshopper. Perhaps we are all tapped into some cosmic teacher consciousness? A consciousness that gives you those proverbial eyes in the back of the head. Kind of like that magical third eye that comes after decades of meditation? Holy crap. It all makes sense now.

My kids flat out cannot do math. WOW is it bad. I'm going to fail the lot of them. That can't happen. I've got to figure out what's going wrong with my teaching. From what I see, after teaching for more than a month, it comes down to not reading directions, going too fast, not paying attention, and not studying. The actual material and knowing it isn't even on the list, it's so friggin' far down! What are we going to do? I go fast and they don't get it. I go like a frozen amoeba on the back of a frozen turtle and they still don't get it. I go just right and they don't get it. Word problems just kill us because we don't read them at all. We just shut down and write down anything. UGHHHHHHH!!! Why can't we just try to read them? Why? Einstein couldn't have solved a problem without reading it. No one can. Why don't these kids help themselves? Help me, St. Jude! This is a hopeless case!

200 miles to Yuma

I haven't been feeling so good this week. Feeling a bit more like myself tonight. It's hard to be a teacher. I'm running on fumes lately and so is everyone else at my school. It's only October and we could all use a vacation. Try doing a performance without break every day for months on end. The curtain never goes down. There are no do overs. The set will break. People miss their cues. Emotions become frayed. Voices get lost. The audience falls asleep and then reawakens and cries like a baby in a soiled diaper...and keeps crying. You try to turn off the baby but the volume knob breaks off in your hand and you just turned it to 11 by mistake. The toilet is overflowing and water is dripping through the ceiling from upstairs. Toast is burning in the toaster. There's no way out. That's sort of what's happening now on October 10.

It will get better. Next month there's about a hundred days off!

This is my 200th post. A new milestone for the rookie schoolteacher. See you tomorrow.

Cold weather, please!

I'm feeling like crap. I have a splitting headache. I think it's related to this superhot weather we are having. I cleaned the gutters today and that combined with the 90 degree weather did me in. I'm going to bed soon.

This global warming sucks. There's no reason for it to be 90 in October. It should be in the 60s. Give me cold weather! I shouldn't be running my A/C now.

Thanks Columbus!

I'm so happy there was a Columbus. Thanks to that politically incorrect sob, I get a lovely day off. I can so use it. I am dragging ass this week. Right now it's time to play along on the drums to some Big Star. I bid you a wonderful Pabst Blue Ribbon fueled weekend. Enjoy.

P.S. I was watching Anchorman the other day. "Knights of Columbus that hurt!" What a great line and totally in keeping with my Columbus-thanking mood.

I need to get mad skills!

I just stopped reading some papers my kids wrote. Almost all of them are cribbed from the internet. Ah, the internet. They had two weeks to do this writing and instead they just stole it from the net. "Martin Luther King's speech at Little Rock was a facile representation of the paradigm shift of ...." Boy, what a smart elementary student you are. I'm going to staple the wikipedia printouts to their papers. I can hear the moans and groans already.

I got out of my car and the air smelled thick of sewage, at least I think it must have been sewage. It was awful, whatever it was. It was redolent of the smell of death. The inner city is a great place to score some dope, dump a hot car, dump a steamship full of sh@t. What are poor people going to do about it? It's disgusting what we do in the inner city.

One of my girls is giving me a lot of trouble. She's crying out for help, actually. I found out that she's basically raising herself and her two young siblings because mom is too busy with her new boyfriend and the new baby on its way. I feel bad because I've been a bit hard on this young lady. That comes with the territory when you disrupt my class. It's hard to be a teacher. Sometimes you come hard and it's too hard. Sometimes you go soft and it's too soft. I make mistakes all the time. I wish I didn't. I'm human and the game I play has no rules and they change constantly. I have to get better at my job. The consequences are severe because these are people not game pieces. They are damaged and fragile when I get them. I don't want to damage them any more. It's so hard.

Caught in the open with shells bursting all around.

My kids were really annoying today. I changed all their seats after they left for the day. I changed the whole room around. I don't deal well with attitude and there was loads of it today. I basically tell them to shove the attitude sideways up their keisters.

They are kids and it is important to remember that and put it all in perspective. Plus, as annoying as it was today in the afternoon, it was nothing like it was in my previous schools. I also have a lot more experience than I did when I started.

Tomorrow will be better. I haven't yet wanted to throw my desk or a kid out the window. It's October and things are still going great. In October of my first year I wanted to quit. I would have gladly left everything in the room and just walked off into the sunset. It was horrible. The kids were literally trying to kill me. I contemplated killing myself. I wouldn't have but it was awful. I was so depressed. I have never been that low before and hope never to be there again. There was no way out, no bright spots, no hope, nothing. It was relentless. The misery. I never gave up, though. Why? I have no idea. I got no medals. I should have received the Iron Cross with Oak Leaf Clusters from Dante himself for successfully transiting hell. I didn't start smoking again either. I probably should have since I was literally on the front lines caught in the open with shells bursting all around.

Seriously, those early couple of years really messed me up for a while. I got into teaching to help kids. It sucks when they can't accept your help because they are so screwed up and their life is so screwed up.

I'm glad it's getting better.

Have you been watching Ken Burns's The War? I've watched some each night as I correct papers. It's really moving. I can't get over how harrowing the battle footage is. I wish my grandfather was still alive. I'd like to ask him about his time on the battleship New Mexico. He saw some stuff.

Go Phils!

3 things. First, go Phils. First time in the playoffs in 14 years! Hopefully, we will pull out a world series win. Let's get #2!

Second, I'm thinking of going back for a doctorate. I'm going to start my application tomorrow. "Doctor" would sound pretty sweet. This rookie schoolteacher needs to move into rookie assistant principal mode. I'm not getting any younger. Plus, I miss grad school. More diplomas. I've got a masters, might as well go for a full doctorate. Just like when I was a boy scout. Might as well go for Eagle.

Third, get the new Stereo Total record. Do yourself a favor. You won't regret it.

Watching and learning

I've seen a lot of things that suburbanites don't usually see this week. I was writing about yelling last week and how I thought things might escalate into shooting. This was a traffic stop that I was witnessing. I heard loud shouting and thought "fight." Well, it was but between a guy in a car with the window down and the cop with the ticket book looking down on him. There was a Philly cop that was shot in the face with a sawed-off shotgun at a traffic stop the day before. It was on my mind as I watched the shouting before I got away from there. My kids talk about their parents and their exchanges with police. Usually, they talk about rude behavior, screaming, disrespect, and sometimes watching their parent leave in the police car. They describe the things they say or family and friends say in low-risk situations like being pulled over. The things they say are things I don't even think when around police. It's no wonder they get a nightstick in the kisser or a free ride in the police car. Their words turn a simple situation into an enormous confrontation. I'm like, "Yes sir, I was very wrong sir, yes sir, you want my license, no problem, anything you want, sorry I'm so slow, thanks for the expensive ticket, may I have another?" I'm not excusing bad behavior, bad behavior on the part of police sometimes, or having a police record. I'm just a white boy finding meaning in a world I visit for teaching but a world that is now a bit of me. I'm slowly learning.

The Beauty of the Guided Reading Folder

I wrote a song in honor of my successful week: "The Beauty of the Guided Reading Folder". I'm going to put up an MPEG of it when I can.

The beauty of the guided reading folder. (2x)

Em G D Em

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (2x)

Em G D Em

Turn it up to 11 and make it stupid, dirty, and repetitious.

I'm in a fabulous mood. Of course there's too much work, but that's the teacher's lot, right? I'm taking a break from paperwork to write to you, the lovely readers of my blog. I'm enjoying my new school. I'm getting a modicum of respect. I'll jump through a hoop of fire for a bit of respect from a supervisor. I don't need more money. I just need a kind word or a knowing tip of the hat. Why don't more people understand that? I see it every day with my kids. Give a kid a bit of a break or a job or a kind word and they change a bit. Browbeat them, intimidate them, put your hands on them, or yell at them and you've blown the whole thing. It's very easy as a newbie to yell. New teachers yell much more than veterans. Once you gain that perspective and get ahead of the wave, you get better. The administrators that make intimidation, shame, and physicality their currency are that floating stuff that needs to be flushed down.

Back to the paperwork. Thanks for reading. Enjoy my song and send your royalties right here.

The Irony!

I drove up to North Jersey the other night for a meeting at Seton Hall about charter schools. I was stuck in traffic on South Orange Avenue and this man begins backing through the four lanes of traffic. He's on foot coming from the basketball courts across the way. I'm wondering why this guy is backing up and hoping that I don't run him over and then I look over and see the reason the guy's backing is the man in front of him is brandishing a big knife. He doesn't want to turn his back because he doesn't want that knife in his back. I'm inching toward this. There's nowhere to go. I just start laughing at the irony. What else to do? I've driven from my school's dangerous inner city neighborhood to Newark only to be involved in more inner city mayhem. I've actually driven 95 miles and paid turnpike and parkway tolls to get to this spot. What a life I lead as a teacher. I escaped from the knife wielding maniacs and got to my meeting in time to buy a Seton Hall t-shirt and score a beer and some hot dog bites. Ate some White Castle on the way back.

On the way to work...

I was driving to work this morning and about a block from my school there's a lady walking down the street. She is looking from side to side and dressed in a belly shirt. She looks out of place and looks suspicious. There's been this BMW driving erratically around me on the way in as well. The BMW has been driving slowly, weaving in and out of the lane, speeding up, and driving up to the curb. So I pass this woman and the BMW slows. I look in my rear view mirror and the woman is talking to the BMW. Hmm. A little prostitution? It's not just for breakfast anymore. What a neighborhood. This is about 500 feet from the school. I haven't seen any drug busts lately. In the past I've had to slow to allow the squad of ATF men to run across the street with battering ram. Someone was about to get arrested. Later today, there was a huge altercation across the street from where I park. I was leaving and in the corners of my mind there's this voice saying "get ready to hit the deck if this stuff gets out of hand." What an environment to work in. I only work here. My kids inhabit this environment.

On another front, I am so tired lately. I'm burning the candle at both ends. I can't catch myself up this week. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings to eat our time, too. Enough with the meetings, administration!

???

Another Sunday night turning into Monday morning and not being able to get to sleep....

Why? I'm ready for tomorrow. Just can't seem to shut down....

Reading

Another week in the books. My kids are still pretty good. There's some annoying behavior starting to surface, especially from the girls in the class. Girls love the drama. Everything is turned up to 11. Everything. My theory is they are imitating what they see at home and in their neighborhood environment. Everything there is street Shakespeare-style high drama at high volume - sex, drugs, guns, fire trucks, big chains, loud music, and big rims.

There is much to celebrate, though. Things are still very positive. My kids love to read. They beg for their independent reading time. The essential question is how do we keep that positivity and keep reading when it isn't material that they care about: eg, the curriculum? How do we keep it positive when reading is the essential part of understanding word problems? Word problems bring up another important set of questions that stem from the basic red-pen diagnostic. My kids read but their comprehension skills are absolutely not there. Their vocabulary skills are not there. They are good word callers but they don't understand what they are reading. How do I get their comp skills up and not destroy their natural interest in reading?

On another note, I'm transferring vinyl records to my iTunes as I work on this blog and other things. I'm listening to a record called Smallmouth by an under appreciated Columbus band, Scrawl. I haven't listened to this record in about 15 years. I forgot how good it is. Brings back wonderful cigarette hazy memories of the Khyber Pass. This ought to be available on CD. Are you listening Rough Trade?

A good Monday.

My kids were good today. Mondays are tough because it's hard for the children to transition from their world back to the shared school world. I'm happy that they can be so good. My classes in previous schools were not so great on Monday's or any other days for that matter.

I'm getting nervous about upcoming observations. I have nothing to worry about but it still gets to you. Some stage fright. Dread of administrators, too. I have very little positive experience to draw from where administrators come in.

Time for bed. I'll dream sweet dreams of completed homework and delicious sloppy joes.

Savoring it.

I'm up too late tonight, but my work is done. I've corrected my papers. Things are looking up. I'm on top of my endless wave of student work. I'm soaking this moment in. It could be the last time this year. Eventually, the work buries you.

Lesson Plans in the Can!

I just finished up my lesson plans. It was a beautiful day. I viewed it though the window as I typed on the laptop. I set up a wireless network at my house first. So it is a bittersweet day. I was able to type in my sunny back room instead of in the dungeon-like office. The magic of wireless internet service is the bomb. The data just zooms invisibly through the air. Amazing! God, I sound like a friggin' dummy. I'm sure someone's reading this saying "that rookie schoolteacher's brain must be made of cornmeal mush." Writing lessons for five hours kind of has that effect. I am done on a Saturday and that's a great thing. I can enjoy the rest of my precious weekend. In previous years, I was grumpily writing lessons until the wee hours of Monday morning. I wouldn't teach half of the stuff anyhow because the awful behavior of the kids derailed most of the lessons.

Tomorrow will be fun. I'm going to hunt for used books for the classroom library. My kids read and have requests. I'm looking for basketball stuff, some basic stuff for my low reader, Super Diaper Baby and Captain Underpants, any relationship fiction stuff for girls, and High School Musical. What's more fun than buying books?

It's the weekend.

Hello, everyone. I've had a wonderful week with my kids. I haven't said that in years. I have a great group of kids. I enjoy teaching them. I can't wait to get back and try new things with them. Having students that don't want to kill me is a soothing tonic. No one throws desks at me. No one throws punches at me. I'm not used to this.

Almost nostalgic

I was at work much too long today. We had afterschool meetings. I was going to do lesson planning tonight but instead I drank a beer and watched TV with the wife. A dumb movie and a beer is a great thing after a long day. Yes, I know, I should have planned the whole next week's lessons and then read Proust. Sorry, Margaret Spellings.

I am impressed with my kids. I've never had such a smart class. Not since student teaching in the suburbs. These kids know stuff. We worked on subjects and predicates today. Classes in the past would look at me like I'd sprouted another head when we'd go over this stuff. "Predicate? His sister live up around the way. Predicate use to go up at Stetson. Got his ass thrown out." My kids are different. "Ate is the predicate. Ate the sandwich is the complete predicate." My new school is a whole different ballgame. I'm not used to somewhat respectful kids with prior knowledge. To quote from the book of parentspeak, "I think I done died and gone to heaven." I'm almost bit nostalgic for being told to go f@#% myself before I lock up my car in the parking lot. Almost.

There's not enough time in the world...

I have so many ideas and so many things to do and not enough time. Being a teacher is a major undertaking. The old saw is teachers have it easy. Let me disabuse you of that line of thinking right now. We have so many things to do. I teach all the subjects and that means planning, teaching, and grading all the subjects. That's about a zillion papers over the course of the year. Add in all the other business to keep up on and now you're up to a jillion papers. There's meetings, parent nights, phone calls home, pretzel sales, etc. Each of these requires a file and papers and more meetings. Remember that big warehouse at the end of the first Indiana Jones movie? That's where it all goes at the end of the year.

Seriously, I have about 500 things a day to keep up on and if I get to 100 then it's a pretty good day. If you see a teacher give them a big kiss on the lips and then say "let's get you to Staples, the copies and supplies are on me." You'll be doing a big service.

Over and out. Time to correct more papers.

I'm Back, Baby!

It's official. I have returned to write more missives from the belly of the beast that is public school education. I'm at a different school. No more yucky principal from Hell busting my balls. Thank God I don't have to hear the wind whistling through that moron's bald head anymore. I'm reading a cool kid's book tonight, The Flunking of Joshua T. Bates by Susan Shreve. I love kid's lit.

I'm really tired the past few days. I haven't been sleeping too well for whatever reason and once you get behind that's it.

My class is pretty good. I have a few talkative girls. There's also some self esteem issues specific to the inner city. We are reluctant to start work. We mumble. We pout. We must get in the last word. It's manageable. We need to get pumped up and motivated. We'll do it.

Ah, it's good to be back. Now on to planning my lessons for next week.

So that's it

I was told today that my contract won't be renewed. I was told that I'm not inspiring enough. I was told this by the biggest phoney there is on God's green earth - my friggin' principal!! Talk about something that can't be quantified! How do you figure out if someone is or isn't inspiring?!!

I have a pretty sensitive BS detector. It's been going off since I met my principal and he told me he's an educator. Anyone who refers to himself as an educator is a douchebag. Over the summer, I realized after about 10 minutes with him that (1) he didn't like me and (2) wouldn't have hired me if he'd been hired and in place when I was interviewed months earlier. I'm not surprised to be on the losing end of equation at contract time.

I am surprised that nothing has ever been given to me in writing. There are no observation records of any kind. I've never had to sign anything. I've never been written up for anything. I've never had any discipline proceedings. I've never even been late. Everything is verbal. No paper trail.

Even if I do get a new contract, because that was held out as a very slim possiblity, I wouldn't want to work here. Charter schools suck. WE HAVE NO CURRICULUM! THEY WORK US LIKE SLAVES! WE HAVE NO CHANCE IN HELL OF MAKING AYP! IT'S ALL FOR SHOW! THERE'S NO THERE THERE!

Sorry to yell, but Charter schools suck. Don't be fooled. There must be some good ones, but all the ones that I've worked in are jokes. There isn't any high-quality anything happening. What is happening is a great deal of public money and trust is being flushed down the friggin' toilet. The kids lose, the public loses (especially those conservative creeps that seem to think school choice and vouchers are the Holy Grail), and the teachers really lose. Try working from 7 am to 3:45 without a break of any kind. Work for much, much less than a public teacher with a union makes. Work with a smile. Be inspiring! Inspire this!!

Too much monkey business.

I've run out of steam and goodwill and every other goddamn thing. I'm very very tired. Too much paperwork. Too much professional development. Too many meetings. Meetings, meetings, meetings, and meetings.

I'm burning out because there's too much that we're expected to do and our administrators don't see anything. They just expect more.

Every teacher in my school is under the same pressure and the principal just dumps more on us. More duties. More expectations. More frigging meetings. Do this paperwork. Have it all in triplicate by tomorrow. Oh, and we need to meet after school and during your prep and during your lunch. UNION! We need a UNION! If we had one this might be a bit more bearable. At least our pay would be better.

Wasting time blows

So it's the new year. I'm struggling this week. I have so much to do and no time to do it. The teacher's lot, right? Still, there's only so much work that I can do in a day. I've been up to 2 am for nights on end now doing paperwork, knocking out grades, etc. For all the work, I'm still behind and can't seem to catch myself up. We're all up against it at school and the administration just keeps us in meetings wasting our time. They don't care. They don't value our time. Meetings blow. Time wasting blows.

Bling, smoke, and mirrors

I haven't written regularly in some time. I'm going to be checking in more often. I'm dismayed by the state of education in our nation. The blind are leading the blind. Bling, smoke, and mirrors rule the day. Do you understand the whole thing rides on the cooperation of the children? Merit pay, NCLB, and the Scholastic book order all ride on the cooperation of the children. You play the hand you're dealt. My students are dancing as fast as they can, but when it comes down to it none of them are making it. I have 2 out of 32 that would make it in a school outside of the inner city. I was watching a news story about Houston and their school district. They have merit pay and it is increasing the scores or so they say. Bull! That's what I say. It's all lies. Mark my words!

Chops

My life is improving. My teaching life is not hopeless. I see a future and that was not possible before. I have moments of occasional doubt but that's the same in any profession. What's life without a bit of doubt now and again? My biggest problems are organization, correcting a never ending avalanche of papers, and improving my teaching. Improving my chops. That's what I really need to do.

I have doubts about keeping my job. Am I good enough? How can I get better? How can I help my kids get better? I want them to learn. I want them to get better. How can that happen?

I don't want to let them down. I don't want to let my school down. I want a chance.

Getting better

My new school is challenging me in new ways. I have some behavior problems that are slowly being fixed. Mostly, I need to improve my teaching. I was just staying alive in my last school. Now I need to get my skills up. I'm working and working and working. A teacher's work is never done.

Happy?

I am happy. I don't want to jinx myself so I'll stick with happy. I'm working in a new school and it's not insane. More later. I just wanted to check in. I'll let you know more soon.

Summer savor

Summer is wonderful. I'm just savoring it. Just being in the moment.

Reading, swimming, and drinking (with a little cleaning of the gutters for good measure).

It's already July 12th! Holy crap, Batman! Seriously, the summer is galloping away from me but it's good. So nice to be away from school. No masters degree work either. It's all good. I've been eating a lot of hot dogs, swimming as much as possible with my wife and daughter, and drinking a lot of cold beers. The good life. Time to get back to my book. It's so nice to read for pleasure again.

School's Out!

The kids are gone! The kids are gone! Lordy, Lordy, the kids are gone! Sing it with me!!!!

Thanks for singing with me. Yet another kooky inner-city teaching year is in the books. Just some clean up tomorrow and I am done. Man, there were a lot of hard days. Thanks for reading to whomever is out there reading this blog. I hope that you enjoyed some of this thing. I take great solace and pride in blowing off steam in this way. I'm sure that this has saved me from a couple of nervous breakdowns.

My kids had their party without any disasters. They were magnificent. I enjoyed having a few of them in my class and got to tell them personally about how much they meant to me. That was satisfying. Then they all went their separate ways. I wonder what their summers hold. Some of them have places to go and things to do. Some of them were making up what they were going to do. I stifled a sob when I heard one of my most obnoxious girls making up trips to Great Adventure, Chicago, Wildwood, New York City, and Sesame Place. Her mom's so poor she can't pay attention, let alone pay for a trip to Great Adventure. Susan is a hellion but I felt so sorry for her as she described her fantasy plans.

I just hope my kids are safe over the summer. The bullets are flying in Philly. Things are getting dangerous and kids are getting hurt. I hope none of mine get hurt and hope everyone else is safe too.

Hurray!

One more day to go. Today was a 1/2 day and it was rather enjoyable. I actually got to spend some time talking to my kids. Something I rarely have time to do during the day. Strange to say that isn't it? That's teaching in the inner city for you. You want to build relationships with the kids and it's impossible because there are too many of them and every one of them is SUPER NEEDY. Anyhow, next year I'll be teaching close to 40 of them and I already know 20 of them are identified special ed kids. The remainder will have probably 6-8 more unidentified special ed kids. Forget about having any time to talk or build quality relationships. Ugh!

I'm going to forget about next year and focus on one more day. Hurray!

Babysitting

The kids are getting worse and worse. They hardly listen to me at all now. We still have 4 days left. What to do? I'm just a high-priced baby sitter now.

Carrier Wave Take Me Away!

There's 5 days left!

On the post-teaching summer vacation front, I'm going to get a radio show again on my old college's radio station. I contacted them for the hell of it last night and will be able to do the summer! I'm psyched! I haven't been a dj in 15 years. A short refresher course and I'll be spinning records again on the actual airwaves. What I've wanted to do for sooooooo long! This is going to be an awesome summer vacation. Let's just get there. This is the longest friggin' week in history and it's only Tuesday. Help me, Jesus!

Vermin

There's mouse sh@t all over my goddamn room! It's on practically every surface. Do you know how disgusting that is? My school is filthy. The mice don't even have the decency to stay hidden during the day. They come right out and grab stuff in the middle of class. The cockroaches are all over too. They just do what they want. One was inside of my Macintosh today. You could see its shadow moving around under the opaque surfaces. Another huge one just walked right through the middle of my lesson. I'm teaching about integers and suddenly this museum specimen sized roach is walking through. I stomped him and of course the class went crazy. Vermin.

Today was pretty rough. Just 7 days to go. I was looking forward to some downtime after work, instead I spent the afternoon with the plumber. I read a book as he put in a three handled faucet in my shower. It's always stressful when the plumber is here. The meter is running!

After 2 1/2 hours and almost $400 the problem isn't completely finished. I have to hunt down some stems and escutcheons for this damn American Standard faucet. Ugh! I thought plumbers were supposed to have all this stuff on their trucks to get the job done. Apparently that's not the case anymore.

At least the Cherry Hill Library book sale is this weekend.

Bibliomania

Went to the 2 for 1 Scholastic Book Fair today. I love the book fair. Takes me back to my elementary school days. I love books. I bought a bunch today for me and my daughter. Each week I must buy 10-15 books from everywhere. My house is filling with books. It's a good thing. I have a problem. Bibliomania.

End it! Please!

I really hate my job lately. I want this year to be over. My students don't want to do anything. NOTHING. We still have lots and lots of school left. The textbooks are being collected. Everything is winding down yet I have to maintain the illusion that any of it matters now. The grades are in. There's NOTHING left. Why? End the year early oh great School District of Philadelphia.

We need to get ready for next year anyhow. There will be more than 30 kids in every classroom, less kids, less resources, and less of everything except work, but we teachers have it easy. Remember that.

The Devil Is In My Classroom

Wow were my kids awful today! I had the right idea this morning when I pressed the snooze button 300 times. I hope that a lot of them don't come in tomorrow. The 6/6/06 thing has them all freaked out. "The world is going to end, Mr!" "The devil is going to come!" Couldn't Hollywood make more scary ad campaigns with other dates in them? How about advertising a movie called January 1 - June 20? Really scare the sh@t out of them! A man can dream.

My kids ought to know quite a lot about the devil. Many of them are in league with the devil. It never fails to make me laugh when the worst behaved kids in the class begin to tell everyone else they are going to Hell. "You don't believe in God? You're going to Hell!"

A girl in one of my classes said "God gave me a mouth to use all I want." She was talking nonstop for the entire class. I said "God also says to obey your elders and to love your neighbor as yourself. Two things you are not doing - so quiet down!"

The worst behaved, most foul mouthed students are on intimate terms with God.

Thankful I Don't Teach in NYC

A friend of mine teaches in NYC. He doesn't get out until June 28th! Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ that's too friggin' long! I was just speaking to my wife about why oh why do we have to teach until the 20th. It's pointless now that the grades are done. I would seriously consider taking the gas pipe if I had to continue to the 28th. Thank the Lord for small favors.

June!

June is finally here! There are 12 days left! I can't wait!

Grades

I'm doing my grades tonight. They take forever. The school district computer system isn't the easiest system to navigate. You have to go through window after window after window and you can't see the entire card until you're finished. I have 25 kids. They each have about 15 things to enter on the card not including comments. Each card takes about 10 minutes. That's 250 minutes. That's more than 4 hours. Ugh.

The real problem is the grades are done now and we still have 14 days of instruction left. The kids know that the grades are done and they have no incentive to listen or care or do anything because they know they're untouchable. It will be even worse when we turn in all the textbooks next week. We'll be without any materials and still be required to teach. The kids will go apesh@t then. Why can't the school district input the grades during the week of the 12th? They can take away the books then too. The kids will have more of an incentive to work. At least the illusion of accountability will be there.

I'm just glad the whole damn thing is winding down. I'm tired and want to go on summer vacation. The pool is calling me and I need to soak in it and forget.

WTF?

I just watched a story on the local news about dangers in Philadelphia elementary schools. They showed video footage of children playing in schoolyards. They were beating the sh*t out of each other - pulling hair, pummeling, punching, kicking, wrestling, and stomping. The reporter seemed surprised. The footage could have come from my school. This behavior is playing to my kids. It's all they know. I broke up two kids who were smacking the crap out of each other during recess. "Oh Mr. we just playing." Blood was pouring out of the kid's nose who told me this. The other kid had scratches and the knee torn out of his pants. WTF?

Springtime thoughts turn to gelati.

My kids are getting worse by the day. They sense the end of the school year. They think that nothing can touch them and they're mostly right. I'll never tell them that, however. My administrators have told me in no uncertain terms that I'm to pass my kids. To be honest it hardly matters. If I fail Jerry it will do him no good. All he does is roll on the floor, eat his pencils, and make curses and animal grunts. Keeping him in the same grade will do nothing. He's utterly irredeemable. He's been held back too many times anyhow. He's already ready to drive to elementary school.

My job is ridiculous. Thank God it's Spring. I just went out to get gelati. Mmm. Eighteen days left.

Enjoying the weekend

I'm sitting here on the weekend drinking a cold one and thanking God that there's only about 21 days left. I will make it. It's not going to be easy but nothing ever is at my school. Still, I will get through to the end. Right now I'm working for June. It will be here momentarily.

I hit Tony Luke's today for a roast pork Italian. Mmm that sandwich is fine. If you are ever in South Philly you should do yourself a favor and head to Tony's. Forget Pat's, Geno's, and Jim's. Forget cheesesteaks entirely. That's tourist fare. You need a pork with provalone and broccoli rabe.

Too much

I drove to work this morning and was struck with how Jacob Riis-like the hellhole neighborhood is where I work. Sometimes I drive and don't notice it at all but today I noticed everything and it made it that much more depressing. Half naked children bounding down tenement stairs into the clammy drizzle. No mother bounding out of the tumbledown place after them. Stumblebums, junkies, and pickpockets hugging the bricks, staying out of the rain. Emaciated dogs rooting through garbage in the gutter. Cars held together with chicken wire jostling for position at the stoplights. Angry looking men in pajamas, tattoos, and headwraps yelling at their women in the street. What a place. This is just a typical 8 am trip. All this to see and I have yet to take a swig of coffee or park the car.

Too much to see this morning.

***

On the bright side, the Phils swept the Reds! I hate the Big Red Machine!

Flu runs amok

I've been sick as a dog for the past five days. I hope that I get better soon. I think it's the flu. At least my fever has broken. It sucks when you are sick all weekend. I haven't had any downtime to relax or recharge or catch up on laundry or paperwork. My house is a mess. I have nothing to wear tomorrow and I'm still coughing up phlegm. Ah, the life of a teacher. Yeah, we have it easy.

Here's how easy it was on Friday. I'm sick as a dog in the classroom, the kids are running amok, no one is listening, I'm coughing up a lung. It's horrible. Finally it's time to leave. It's 3:09! They can leave! No one is f@%*ing listening to me! "Will you please just get in line? I just want you to line up so you can go home. Will you please do that?" It's 3:15. They're smacking each other in the head. They're eating their pencils. They're rolling on the linoleum in the pencil shavings near the trash can. No one is lining up. "Will you please for Christsakes act like human beings and show some compassion for someone else for once in your life?" No one listened or changed their behavior. Finally about 3:30 someone noticed that they could have left already. I was just watching them like it was Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. After another 5 minutes we finally got them out the door. What is wrong here? How can one teacher be with these kids for an entire year and they behave the same way throughout? Every day is the first day of the year for these kids. They have no clue.

I'm so happy the year is winding down. I just hope I can get better and finish it out on my two feet. It's a goddamn streetfight every day with these kids.

Happy Teacher Appreciation Day

I have been so tired these last few days. The kids have been horrible and I just can't keep up, especially in the afternoons. I'm physically tired and mentally fried, too. I just want to get through this week and collapse. I do not care anymore. There are about 30 working days left and I can't wait to get through. I've had enough. I need to rest up and prepare for next year.

This year is in the can anyway and all the kids are going to pass. My administrators conveyed that message to us all the other day. The principal told us to think hard about those kids that we want to fail. Is it fair to saddle another teacher with that kid for another year of sixth grade? Pass them. Get them the hell out of here.

What's the point? I have a reason be tired. What's the point?

Green Tea Mango

I'm relaxing Cinco de Mayo style and eating some green tea mango ice cream from Turkey Hill. Mmm. They should sponsor this blog. Their Phillies graham slam is great too. Perhaps they want to split the sponsorship with the Yuengling brewery. Mmm. I'm going to reach for one of their products next. Enjoy the holiday and arrive alive, don't drink and drive.

Merit pay? F That!

My kids were absolutely horrible today. How do you reach kids that just don't care about anything? What do you do? You tell me?

I was reading the Philadelphia Inquirer today and there was an editorial about the 58% graduation rate in the Philadelphia high schools. The editorial mentioned that teachers who get results should get bonuses. I wonder if the writer has ever taught in the school district of Philadelphia or anywhere else? Teachers don't get to choose their classes. Teachers play the hand they're dealt. My kids care about nothing and respect nothing. They would be perfectly happy just hitting each other in the head all day or spitting spitballs and scratching themselves all day. I would end up paying for the privilege of teaching them if my pay was based on their academic progress. Thank God my pay isn't based on them! Thank God I will get another chance with another class next year. Hopefully one that isn't stocked chock full of maniacs.

Early dismissals are the bomb.

Today one of my kids was completely off the wall. This kid hasn't done any real work since we got back from spring break. Today he was crazed. He's up, he's down, he's rolling on the floor, he's on the windowsill, he's spitting water like a porpoise. Anyway, about 2 I answer the class phone. "Donald to the front desk for early dismissal." "Thank you, thank you, thank you" just flew out of my lips. I couldn't help it. A Freudian slip. I felt a little bad about saying it in front of the kids and in front of Donald but I'm human. Thank God he left out the classroom door. I probably would have thrown him out our third floor window if he would have stayed for another hour and a half.

Liberal Media?

Hopefully your world is a sunny and bright as mine has been for the past few days. I went up to NYC for the big antiwar protest on Saturday. What a day! The sun was shining, the temperature was just right, and I had a blast with at least 100,000 of my friends. What a wonderful thing it is to be in the street fighting for what you believe in. Too bad the media didn't cover it. One small picture in the NYTimes on Sunday and no mention at all in the Philly Inquirer. I guess there were more important things to cover? Wait, Rush Limbaugh and his drug bust was much more important. Liberal Media my ass.

I ran 8 miles yesterday. I haven't done that in about 20 years. I'm running the Broad Street Run this Sunday, May 7th. I hope it doesn't rain. The last time I ran the Broad Street Run was in 1984. Reagan was president. Some of my student's parents weren't born yet! Talk about weird. That is weird!

My kids were manageable today. Will wonders never cease? I was hoping many of them would be out for the big protests today. I guess none of them read the papers?

Spell check wants me to replace Limbaugh with Lumbago. Should I do it?